


Rey Kenobi and the Heir Apparent

by Draco_sollicitus



Series: Damerey Hogwarts AU [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Auror Poe, Betrayal, F/M, Fantasy, Florist Rey, Harry Potter Crossover - Freeform, Hogwarts AU, Magic AU, Sequel, Some Fluff, Torture, references to past torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:16:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_sollicitus/pseuds/Draco_sollicitus
Summary: Three years after she graduates from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the talented witch Rey Kenobi struggles to find her place in a world at war.Friend becomes foe, and nothing is what it seems as she navigates increasingly treacherous waters; with a cryptic prophecy still in the balance, Rey must come to terms with who, and what, she is, in order to save both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds.





	1. Winter's End

**Author's Note:**

> As always, my loves, check the chapter notes for warnings on particular content in each chapter. Unlike the other Hogwarts AU stories in this series, this fic is rated M, for solid reasons including: future violence, torture scenes, and mild smut (between two consenting adults)./ Anything that would warrant a warning (violence/torture/smut/psychological trauma) will get a warning! 
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> When this fic starts, Rey is 21, and Poe is 22 (about to turn 23).
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> This is a sequel - there are multiple stories in this series that build up to this, but I will try to throw in hints to the major plot-points where necessary so a re-read/new read isn't particularly necessary if you don't have time to read 85k+ words of Harry Potter/Star Wars AU. 
> 
>  
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> I hope you enjoy !!

The weak February sun shone down on Rey Kenobi through the frosted glass of her favorite cafe. Not a week after Valentine’s Day, and all signs of the romance had been wiped from the small village in Kent, a fact she was overwhelmingly grateful for; but all the same, she could feel the lingering after effects of the mushy holiday weighing down on her heavily.

Across from her sat Finn Trooper, her longtime best friend and confidante, who was mid-story;  he recounted vividly a tale of chasing down a vendor who was trying to sell Kelpie rides without a permit. A beat too late, Rey remembered to laugh at the punchline - _“Turns out, the guy couldn’t even swim_!” - and Finn frowned at her in concern.

“You there, Peanut?”

“Yeah.” Rey cleared her throat and studied the bottom of her teacup. “I’m here.”

“Alright.” Finn sounded disbelieving, and when Rey shot him a look, he raised his hands defensively. “I’m just worried about you.”

“Still feeling a little sick, y’know. The flu really wiped me out.”

“Mhm. The flu.”

Rey lifted her eyebrows in challenge, but Finn resisted taking it. Instead, he sighed and checked the timepiece on his watch. His brow furrowed noticeably, and Rey eyed his expression with concern.

“Something the matter?”

“Huh?” It was Finn’s turn to look stupefied. “No - no, it’s just from the office. Another attack on a Muggle village in the north, so Dawson’s team is scrambling. I’m not on rotation right now.” Rey jerked her head in acknowledgement as she looked out the window at her own Muggle village, the one she’d spent most of her life in.

The worsening attacks on Muggles had caused an anxiety to awaken in her, one that she was having difficulty combating given the setbacks she’d personally experienced in the last year. Something dark had settled over England, and in more than one way; the weather was gloomy more often than not these days. The weather outside at the present moment was the best they’d seen in months.

“When will you be on rotation?” She asked with as nonchalant a tone as she could muster.

“Three days from now, for a full week.” Finn tapped his fingers on the table, and then: “We could really use someone like you, you know.”

“Finn. We’ve been through this.” Rey looked away from the village outside to frown on her friend. “I don’t want any part of it.”

“I get that, Peanut, and I got it nine months ago, but at this point-”

“At this point, I still don’t want to fight for a government that was corrupt long before these attacks started.” Rey clenched her jaw and glared down at the table. “The Ministry, at the end of the day, was never that great. I don’t want to defend them.”

“You wouldn’t be defending the Ministry,” Finn protested, his voice raising slightly. If they hadn’t cast a Charm to hide their conversation, Rey would be worried. “You’d be protecting Muggles, and Muggle-borns. People like us.”

“I would be,” Rey agreed, “in the short term. But when this fight is over, what then? Aurors have been used as the private military force for the Ministry outside of wartime. I don’t want a part of that.”

“Then retire when the war ends.” Finn’s voice had definitely risen now. “It’s very - _noble,_ not wanting to be part of corruption, but sitting by and letting people die when you could be helping isn’t-”

“-Don’t pretend I haven’t given things already-”

“-It’s not _like_ you, Rey!” Finn’s voice won out, and Rey sagged back in her chair, not having realized how stiffly she’d been sitting during the argument. “It’s not. I - I know this has been hard for you, but Merlin, it’s like you’re not even here anymore. Sometimes.” He also sagged, slightly, the fight seeming to have burnt out of him.

Rey didn’t say anything, tears burning too furiously in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Finn offered genuinely. “I really didn’t mean to upset you, I just-”

“You’re right.” Rey wiped the back of her hand against her cheeks angrily. “I … you’re right. I haven’t been myself.”

“It’s been getting better.” Finn reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “I’ve noticed that. You’ve been coming out of your shell more the last few months. You’re trying.”

“I’m trying,” Rey huffed, anger undeniable now. “Only because I could tell you were worried. And Ben.” Finn made a face at the mention of the headmistress’s son, but he didn’t comment, thankfully. “I’m trying but it’s not real.”

“I get it.”

“Really?”

“Really. But - don’t hide what you’re feeling. Especially not to make me feel better. Definitely not to make Solo feel better. If you’re still upset, be upset. We can handle it.” Rey nodded again, her arms folded against her chest as she leaned back in her chair. “I’ll stop pushing the Auror thing, too.”

“You’ll just quietly think to yourself that I’m _wasting my potential_?” Rey asked mockingly, referring to the conversation she’d had with Professor Organa a few months after her graduation from Hogwarts, when she’d settled into her role as a Muggle florist in this very same village.

“I’ll keep it to my diary.” Finn eyed his timepiece once more with a heavy sigh. “They need me back at the office. Probably to do some more ridiculous paperwork. The glamorous life of an Auror-in-Training.”

“I’m proud of you, you know, Mr. Big Deal,” Rey said as they stood from the table. Finn leaned in with a smile and kissed her cheek.

“I’m proud of me too,” he joked, preening and puffing out of his chest. Rey laughed and bumped into him as they exited the cafe; they turned a corner into an empty alleyway. “I’ll see you soon? This Saturday, come around to our place? Rosie’ll be excited to see you.”

“Sounds good. Have fun at work, Big Deal.”

Finn faux-saluted before apparating with an almighty crack, and Rey exited the alleyway, her jumper wrapped tightly around her.

She made her way through the village, offering tight, uneasy smiles to people who waved at her on the street. Most of them smiled sympathetically, knowing she’d be going home to an empty home that evening, so Rey didn’t feel too compelled to smile more genuinely at them. She’d nearly made it back to her shop when something large and furry slammed into her legs.

“Oh!” Rey gasped in shock and then laughed. “Tank!”

“Oh Lord, I’m so sorry.” Michael O’Connell, the handsome co-owner of the new pub in town smiled at her apologetically as he tried to haul his large terrier off of her. “Tank saw you from down the street and took off.”

“It’s no problem at all.” Rey sank to the pavement with a contented sigh, letting the dog bounce merrily around her, offering warm, wet kisses here and there to her chilled face. “Oh, that’s nice.”

“He’s a beast is what he is.”

“A nice beast.” Rey stood after scratching Tank’s ears and smiled at Michael, wiping dog slobber from her face with an actual laugh.

“How’ve you been?” Michael fumbled with the leash as Tank started to run in circles around his legs.

“I’ve been alright.” Rey shrugged slightly, feeling her lips purse slightly from the lie. Michael knew, perhaps better than anyone in the village at this point, how very not alright she was. “...I really am sorry for how things ended last week.”

“Don’t be.” Michael shook his head earnestly, blue eyes wide and undeceiving. “I had a lovely time, regardless. Not that it was lovely that you-” his eyes widened impossibly further as he floundered- “I just meant to say. It was lovely. Before all the…” he flapped his hand before slapping it in front of his eyes. “God. Ignore me.”

“I won’t.” Rey laughed again, feeling a little lighter. “Thank you for being so understanding. I … it might have just been too soon, you know?”

“Definitely.” Michael nodded, his ears still pink. “Well, I don’t intend on changing that number any time soon, Ms. Kenobi. Give me a ring when you’re feeling more alright? Or even if you just want to get a cuppa, as friends. You’re a fun one, and not just as a date.” He winked cheerfully, and Rey nodded with another real smile.

“Of course. And also, we need to think of Tank.”

“We must,” Michael agreed solemnly as his dog began to paw at his thigh, grumbling about the lack of walking. “Speaking of.”

“Speaking of.” Rey waved as the pair headed past her.

“Have a good day, Ms. Kenobi.” Michael smiled at her over his shoulder before focusing on the terrier attempting to pull his arm out of his socket. “Down, you great beast!”

Rey shook her head and walked down the block, her mind drifting to the mildly disastrous date she and Michael had gone on last week; he’d asked her out a month before that, and after asking him for some time to think about it (and in the interim, he hadn’t bothered her once about it, something that certainly factored into her eventual acceptance of his offer), Rey had agreed to it. The date had started off well enough, with a pleasant dinner and a walk along the river, but after Rey had walked past a spot that held too many memories, she’d had to cut the date short as anxiety and panic and grief overwhelmed her and she’d had to rush away from a very concerned Michael.

When he’d caught up with her, still holding her jacket, Rey had managed to whisper something about _too soon after losing my partner,_ and Michael had nodded sympathetically, walked her home, and texted her to let her know he was happy to support her however she needed.

Michael O’Connell was a lovely, well-balanced, kind-hearted man, a Muggle who had absolutely no idea that the woman he was interested in was a mess of a witch with a very broken heart. In short, Michael O’Connell was a complication.

As she walked, thinking on the date and sweet Muggles who she felt absolutely nothing for, even when it would probably be healthy for her _to_ feel things, Rey suddenly stiffened, her spine tingling oddly as it usually did the in the face of undetected Magic.

She turned and eyed the street behind her warily; nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and as she squinted, she couldn’t see anything of particular interest. A few people were out and about, normal shopkeepers who she worked near, and a single stray, orange cat that was licking a paw eagerly. With a final suspicious glance at the cat, Rey closed the last stretch of distance to her shop and unlocked the door, flipping the closed sign over to announce that the florist was back from lunch.

***

After a few patrons had come and gone from the shop, Rey wandered into the back of the store, unlocking the enchantments that guarded the secret room from the Muggle clientele.

Various magical plants and herbs spilled off of benches, toadstools and mandrakes potted as far as the eye could see; at the very end of the long room, which was filled with enchanted sunlight that filtered through overhead windows, a brown, inconspicuous door remained closed and locked. Rey eyed the door for a moment before turning to the injured mimbulus mimbletonia she’d brought in from her garden.

The prickly plant had become irate with the weather change, and the branch that had fallen on it, so Rey was helping it back to full health in the nursery. As she worked, the soft, crooning noises particular to the spiny, potted plant - whom she’d nicknamed Roger out of sheer fondness - washed over her, pushing her backwards into a memory of the day she’d been gifted it.

_“We don’t have time.”_

_“We have plenty of time.” Rey smirked happily and kissed him along the line of stubble on his cheek. “I just want to properly thank you, is all.”_

_“If that’s all.” Poe Dameron tilted his head back lazily and smiled at her, his black curls mussed and his lips slightly swollen from her attentive snogging. His robes had been pushed slightly askew by her wandering hands, and his Head Boy badge glared up at her mockingly._

_Rey rubbed her nose against his and sighed. “If you’re worried about it…”_

_“Not that worried!” Poe shifted underneath her, his hands grasping her elbows as he tried to lift up and steal another kiss. “I can be late, Professor Antilles won’t care.” He smiled hopefully up at her, and it was the smile that did it._

_“Well, if Professor Antilles won’t care,” she teased, lowering her mouth to his, her voice trailing off into a whisper as she brushed her lips against his._

_Poe groaned and surged up into the kiss, the intoxicating smell of cologne and firewood washing over her, his taste as clear and valuable as it had been nine months ago and -_

Rey wiped unexpected, unwanted tears from her face and exited the nursery, not casting a second look back at the brown door on the other end.

***

Towards the end of the work day, Rey peered over the arrangement of orange lilies she was building to smile at Tom Flanagan.

“Will that work, you think?” She paused in her movements to watch his face carefully.

His wrinkled face was lighted by a genuine smile, the corners of his watery blue eyes crinkling as he surveyed her handiwork. “Sally will love ‘em.” Tom slid a few crumpled bills across the counter. “Will that cover it?”

“Oh, please.” Rey waved her hand. “I can’t charge our best customer on his anniversary.” If she flinched internally at the use of _our,_ she didn’t let it show on her face.

Tom smiled kindly at her anyway. “Can’t believe it’s been forty years.” He sighed heavily. “It seems like only yesterday that your grandfather sold me the first bouquet I ever got my Sally. Never seen anything like his flowers.” Rey smiled a little more thinly now, and Tom’s expression grew more sympathetic. “We do miss the old fellow.”

“I do too.”

“But, we have his brilliant granddaughter! Not too shabby!” Tom beamed at her, some of his teeth missing, and it felt a little warmer in the shop. Rey waved a hand right as an almighty crash sounded from the back of the shop.

Tom paid no mind to the noise, only waving merrily as he tottered to the front door. When it shut behind him, Rey waved her hand irately at it with a hiss, locking it firmly, and stalked towards the source of the noise.

No one else was in the shop, so she didn’t feel bad for swooping down on the culprit with a shout of _Aha_! It dodged out of the way right before she caught it, and Rey slammed into the floor, the air vacating her lungs rapidly.

“You utter scoundrel.” Rey scolded, out of breath now as she laid out on the floor. Beebee wiggled his snout at her, squawking under his breath when she lurched forward, trying to catch him again. “You tiny bastard!”

She jumped to her feet and gave chase in earnest this time; the Niffler wound around the shop, darting in and out between geraniums and potted cacti, and finally, exasperated, Rey Summoned the tiny beast right into her hand.

He screamed in indignation while zooming into the palm of her hand, and Rey huffed, blowing hair out of her sweaty face, as she glared down at him. “Beebee,” she said warningly. The Niffler looked up at her with limpid black eyes, his midnight blue body shivering slightly as he tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

“You’re coming with me.” She marched to the back of the shop and into the enchanted room - it was utterly unclear, how he’d managed to escape - and straight past the dozens and dozens of plants. Reaching the brown door, Rey slid her hand down the front, right where the doorknob should be, the wood warm with magic under her palm.

The door swung open, letting her into a massive indoor arena, lit with sunlight, the blue sky overhead dotted with clouds. It was nearly twice as warm as it was outside in the Muggle village of Kent; at least, it was in this part of the arena. Rey walked past a herd of Diricawl, basking in the sunshine, and turned right at the Mooncalf burrow.

Approaching the Niffler’s den, Beebee perked up and lifted his snout, scenting the air excitedly. Even at a distance, the sparkle and shine of the various plundered items caught Rey’s eye, and she smiled despite her irritation at Beebee’s growing treasure pile. “Beast,” she muttered affectionately as they neared the den.

Oddly enough, when she knelt to release him into the den, Beebee hung onto her wrist; he’d grown increasingly attached to her over the last year, so at first she chalked it up to his reluctance to be left alone.

“I’ll find you a friend,” she promised sadly, already groaning at the thought of _two_ of these ridiculous creatures running around. “I don’t want you to be lonely.”

And that was true. If Rey had learned anything over the last nine months, it was that loneliness was a cruel thing indeed.

But, her promise didn’t seem to placate the Niffler. Instead, his sniffling increased as he crawled up her arm, making her squeak in protest at the ticklish movements. Once he’d reached her shoulder, he reached over, almost tipping off his perch, and pawed at her locket.

“Bad Beebee,” Rey scolded, grabbing his tiny paw. “That’s not for you.” Beebee only continued to reach for it desperately, and Rey sighed, hoisting him away with more force this time, away from the precious gift Poe had given her four years ago. The Niffler whimpered and huffed, sagging in her hand, and Rey held him more delicately, stroking down his back.

“I miss him too, love. But it’s no excuse to act a fool.” Rey set Beebee delicately back onto the lip of his den, and scratched under his chin for good measure. One last time, Beebee reached up and hooked his paw around her finger, holding her in place; he began to root around in his pouch, as though searching for something. “No trades,” Rey insisted. “Sorry, Beebee.” She shook off his claw and stood, brushing dirt from her jeans.

Returning the way she’d come, Rey tried not to get lost in the wave of memories that washed over her, the ones she wasn’t so good at banshing when she was here, in the room she’d been left to take care of nine months ago, despite her lack of natural talent, despite her broken heart, despite -

In the distance, a herd of threstrals grazed, picking at rotted carcasses she’d reluctantly produced from the dumpster behind the butcher’s shop (and if his freezer had suffered an unnatural death, well, he probably shouldn’t have wolfwhistled at the young girls walking home from school in front of the resident witch).

She remembered a time when she didn’t know what thestrals looked like.

Rey had almost reached the exit when a small Bowtruckle bounced down a nearby branch, twittering happily at the sight of her. “Hello,” she whispered, holding her hand out. “How are you?”

Waldo looked up at her with tiny eyes and chattered away incomprehensibly, and just like that, she was thrust backwards for another time that day.

_“You don’t really know what they’re saying, do you?”_

_Poe looked up guiltily from the small family of Bowtruckles that were clinging to his brown jumper, looking like leaves on tree bark. “Oh - um, I sort of do.”_

_“Really?” Rey smirked at him disbelievingly, but Poe only shrugged good-naturedly. He’d grown his hair out over the summer, and with the shop closed while Obi Wan was visiting Satine, she’d had nothing to do on that March morning. So, she’d hopped a train to London to take the long, Muggle way, and visited Poe at his flat, where he’d shown her how he’d expanded his magical arena of injured animals._

_“They’re just like us.” Poe pulled one from his shirt with delicate fingers. Rey noticed, not for the first time, the circles under his eyes. “They have fears, and joys, and wants. Once you figure out what they’d like, what they don’t like, it doesn’t get too hard to understand them.”_

_A thought twisted through her and fell out of her mouth before she could stop herself. “Why don’t you do this?”_

_“Huh?” Poe looked up from where the Bowtruckle was hanging off his finger, shouting gleefully in a small voice, and frowned. “What d’you mean?”_

_“I mean, why don’t you just do this? Why do you have to be an Auror?” He didn’t answer right away, and Rey kept pushing. “You’re tired all the time. You don’t - I don’t know what happened, but … Poe, you look exhausted right now. You haven’t even become a full Auror yet, but when you smile, it’s not...that Dameron smile.”_

_“That Dameron smile, huh?” He teased her gently but sighed after a second. “You’re right. It’s just...the fight isn’t over. It’s just getting started, Sunshine, and I can’t stop now, not when I’m just getting started. I can’t stop until everyone’s free and everything is fair.”_

_Rey leaned over and kissed his cheek. “So noble.”_

_“That’s why you love me.” It made her heart ache to hear the almost question in it - how he could still question her love for him after almost two years together, after all they’d been through._

_“One of the reasons,” she said instead of admonishing him, her edges not quite so hard or present where Poe Dameron was concerned. “Just don’t lose yourself, Dameron.”_

_“How can I, when I have you to guide me?”_

_They kissed in earnest this time, their lips sliding together for so long, the Bowtruckles abandoned Poe’s shirt and wandered away, leaving Rey to comb her fingers through his hair._

_“Move in with me?” Poe asked softly between kisses, his cheeks flushing suddenly, his eyes over-bright. Rey didn’t speak for a long time, and he started to talk, nervously, a habit of his still. “I just - you’re my home, and I love you, and I want to be with you all the time, and -”_

_“Yes.”_

_“-And if you’re there, it’ll feel more like home, and I just think that - wait. Yes?”_

_Rey jumped on him, laughing wildly, and they forgot the time for a little longer under the enchanted sun._

In the present, Rey waved sadly to Waldo and climbed out of the arena, locking the door firmly behind her.

After re-entering the main part of her shop, making sure to replace the enchantments repelling Muggles from the magical portion of the building, she wiped her eyes hastily and headed for the registers.

An odd feeling passed through her, and Rey froze, her foot suspended mid-air; the back of her neck prickled for the second time that day.

“Who’s there?” She demanded. It had to be a witch or wizard, as she’d locked the door with magic. In her haste to see what Beebee had gotten into, however, she hadn’t replaced the intense level of wards she typically used when leaving the shop or her home unguarded.

There was no answer at first, so she cleared her throat. “Who’s there?” She repeated, her hand raised in front of her. It had been years since she’d relied on a wand, but somehow in this moment she missed the weight of it in her palm. “The shop is closed right now, so you can come back later-”

“Would you throw a friend out on the street?”

Rey yelped and spun, sparks flying from her outstretched hand before she could stop them.

Ben Solo blocked them easily, waving them away with a careless pass of his wand. His face was split in a merry grin, and she snorted, lunging forward to punch his arm. “You total arse.”

“Guilty.” He winked broadly at her and shoved his hands in his pockets. “To be fair, you could have fried me.”

“Would have served you right.” She straightened out her jumper and stomped to the front of the store. “Did you miss the closed sign, maybe?”

“No, I just ignored it.”

Rey rolled her eyes mightily at him and hopped up on the stool in front of her counter. “Sounds like you.” Ben only grinned, kicking his massive feet around on the floor.

While they’d gone a long way in putting water under the bridge - namely, the moment in his seventh year, and her sixth, when he’d called her a slur in front of half the school after his grandfather had been revealed as the Dark wizard Darth Vader - there was still some strange discomfort that lingered in their once easy friendship. Rey had felt constantly on guard around the younger Solo for the last few months, as though the forgiveness she’d extended after their reconciliation had faded away into obstinate distrust with no explanation.

Something in her brain warned her not to speak to him, some distant bell that rang whenever he was near; but, she chalked it up to their horrible falling out four years ago, and merely re-dedicated herself to repairing what was left of their connection. After all, she was almost the only person Ben still spoke to from his old life, other than Armitage Hux and Susan Phasma.

If they were in his life, he certainly needed some sort of decency to balance it out.

“So what brings you in today?” Rey allowed a half-smile to cross her face and kicked her feet out from the stool. “Forget an anniversary?”

“No, that’s not ‘til April.” Ben waved a hand to dismiss the idea.

“What’s it been, two years?”

“Two years.” Ben shrugged. “Bazine makes it feel like less time, though.”

“Charming. Disgustingly charming.” Rey smirked, and Ben returned it - she did feel some sort of relief in that, in the idea that Ben was one of the few people unafraid to comment on romance in front of her, for fear of her breaking down into weepiness. While she’d initially distrusted Ben’s girlfriend, she’d steeled herself to spend more time with her, and Bazine Netal turned out to be not half-bad after all.

“But, speaking of Bazine - would you like to come to dinner with us? Soon?”

“That would be lovely.” Rey was distracted by a rap at the window, and she looked out to see an anxious-looking man in his forties wearing a windbreaker and jeans: a Muggle then, and a stressed Muggle at that. “I should probably help him.”

“Of course. I’ll let you get to work.” Ben opened the (unlocked) door and swept out onto the street, waving at Rey through the windowfront.

“You have to help me,” the man moaned, rushing in as soon as Ben had turned the corner. “My husband’s birthday was _yesterday._ He didn’t even let me know that I’d forgotten it! His workmate had to remind me.”

“Uh-oh.” Rey started to pull out her best roses, as the man wrung his hands in despair.

“I know! And Jamal was so pleased about it - and my poor Stefan is going to be the laughingstock of the office, and-”

Rey did her best to soothe the older gentleman, and an hour and three dozen roses later, she was finally able to close up for the day.

She made sure to shut down this entrance to the creatures’ habitat, and pocketed the key carefully. In her greenhouse, she set the moonliveries out strategically to absorb as much moonlight as possible, and hid Apollo’s Auguries in the corner, far out of sight of any dreaded silver beams of light.

After that, she was free to leave the shop and walk through the village, the setting sun taking the last of the warmth with it. She buried her hands in her pockets of her threadbare trousers as she trudged through the streets, only stopping at Sainsbury’s to grab a sandwich.

It was difficult to not think of anything at all as she walked, but she managed.

Rey managed not to think of empty beds, or empty chairs, or empty promises. She managed not to think of pillows that no longer smelled of cologne and firewood, and she managed not to think that this was, perhaps, a bad thing. Rey managed not to think of phantom arms holding her as she slept, or of whispers in her ear in the dark, whispers that promised of forever. She managed not to think of lonely meals or an unused broomstick in the corner of her front hall closet, or of rings that vanished from vanities before sunrise.

She ate while she walked, cramming half a watercress sandwich into her mouth and chewing dispassionately; her appetite cut short as the cold wind wrapped around her, blowing straight through her thin jumper and patched trousers. Spotting a friendly face on the corner, she stopped to say hello.

“Warm enough, Earl?”

“Warm enough for February,” the man answered with a smile, his multiple coats protecting him from the wind for the time being. She held up the other half of her sandwich without a word, and Earl eyed it hungrily. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Rey shrugged as Earl took it, and he lifted it to her in a salute.

“Cheers, Kenobi.”

“Cheers, Earl. Do you have somewhere to go tonight?”

“Usually do.” He winked and walked off, whistling an approximation of “Flower of Scotland.”

Rey looked both ways before crossing the street, one of the last before her own. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, her fingers almost numb now. It had gotten much colder now that the sun was fully gone, and the streetlamps flickered to life above her, soft like glow worms as she walked purposefully towards her empty house.

She pretended not to feel the way her ribs stuck out again, worse than they had since she was a child; Obi had always made sure she ate, and Kes checked in on her every now and then, but other than her date with Michael the other week, a few meals with Ben and his girlfriend, and her once a week lunches with Finn, Rey couldn’t even remember the last time she really had any sort of interest in food.

The house was in sight now, and Rey dropped her eyes to the pavement, listening to the way her boots clacked against the stones beneath her feet. It was almost March, she thought, which meant it might be in, or at least near, the double digits soon. She’d put off buying a new coat to replace the one that the Blast-Ended Skrewt had destroyed six weeks ago, but any more walks home like this, and she might be tempted to splurge and get one.

Tomorrow at the shop, she thought, she’d have to make sure the Jenkins’ order carried through correctly, and she might even check in with the shop two villages over to see if they had any more of those peculiar peonies that were so popular last spring (not that Rey couldn’t replicate them with magic, of course, but it just felt ever so much like cheating), and as tomorrow was a Sunday, it would only be a half day, which wasn’t so bad.

Life had grown utterly normal, she thought insistently. This was her normal now, taking care of Obi Wan’s shop, and seeing her friends when they had room for her in the margins of their life, and taking care of animals that had only just barely stopped resenting her for not being the person they actually wanted, and eating half a sandwich on her walk home to an empty house that hadn’t felt like any approximation of home in months, not after -

Rey stopped thinking, and stopped walking. She stopped several meters short of her front gate, completely and utterly frozen by what, or who, she saw waiting there.

She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t think about Poe Dameron, not anymore, but it was hard not to; it was hard not to think about Poe Dameron when he was standing there, at her front gate, wearing sweeping robes of purple, hair tousled and windblown, a dragonhide bag at his feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i know it's late at night, and I know it's three months past the promised date, but I hope people are still excited/interested in the Damerey Hogwarts AU.
> 
>  
> 
> I'd love to hear from you, whether it's comments or predictions, or just general key-smashing.


	2. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Poe, and they discuss the last year. Mysteries reveal themselves, as do broken hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING
> 
> This is a very intense chapter; lots of hurt feelings, lots of revealed pain and heartbreak.
> 
>  
> 
> Rey is going through a very difficult time - Poe is no longer the easy-breezy Hufflepuff we remember (but hopefully he can find his way back) - and lots of arguing/shouting/passion ensues.
> 
>  
> 
> And: some sensuality/references to past sex/implied sex scene

Rey stared at Poe wordlessly for a long time before shaking her head, steeling herself, and marching past him. She waved an irate hand at the guard spells protecting her house, and stalked through them, shoving the gate open. 

“Rey?” His voice was hoarse, but as lovely and alluring as it ever was. Rey closed her eyes for a long second but kept walking. He followed her, and she felt the protective enchantments settle back down around the house lazily. With Poe on the wrong side of them. “Rey, please, say something.” Her lip trembled, but she kept walking.

“I don’t have time for Apparitions today.” She picked the paper up from her front step and tapped it against her hand, not looking back at him, for the very real fear that he would vanish if she did. “And I really don’t have time to lose my mind. Sorry.”

“No.” He laughed, nervously, and it cut her to the quick, even as she rested her hand on the front door, intending to step inside and lock him out. Firmly. “No, sweetheart, I’m here. I’m actually here.”

“Are you?” Rey turned around and arched her brow at her. “Huh. Well. At least I haven’t gone mad.” She shrugged and turned back around, lifting her hand to open the door. 

“Please, can - can we talk?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Rey shook her head, her fingers almost painfully cold by this point. 

“Please.” His voice was broken, shattered, in a way she’d never heard before. It caught her attention, and tugged at her heart in a way that frustrated her; if Poe could play on her sympathies like that, so easily, with a single word - and probably no intent to actually manipulate her, knowing him, because even if he abandoned her, Poe wasn’t a manipulative person - it meant that she was very much in danger of letting him back in, in more ways than one. 

“Okay. We can talk.” Rey let out a deep breath and eyed him over her shoulder. He climbed the steps warily, his eyes wide and almost hungry as he took her in. It was unfair, how slowly he could move, how handsome he still was, how calm his expression grew as he neared her - her world was slowly unraveling just at the thought of him being so near, and he was still so controlled. It infuriated her.

“Hey,” Poe said when he’d drawn up next to her. He’d changed his hair, she noted distantly. It infuriated her even more.

“Hey.” She tossed her hair out of her eyes and scowled at him. “Were you following me earlier today?” Poe shifted on his feet, a guilty expression on his face, and that was good enough answer, honestly. “Because I felt someone following me, but they were too  _ cowardly  _ to show their face.”

“I was nervous.” Poe closed his eyes before he looked her in the face, guilt and grief showing in his eyes for just a second before he shuttered them away. 

Must be that nifty Auror training. 

Rey rolled her eyes furiously, crossing her arms in front of her chest to glare at him with more force.

“I didn’t think … I didn’t know what to say to you, at first. But I wanted to - I needed to see you.” Poe sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I got back this morning. I haven’t even seen my dad.”

“How dare you.” Rey’s voice shook, and Poe flinched. “How  _ dare  _ you leave Kes. He’s been devastated. You left him, Poe!” Her voice cracked, and she steeled herself, her fists clenching for a moment as she tried to calm herself. “You left.”

“I know.” Poe said hoarsely. His eyes were red-rimmed, but she refused to look at his face for more than a few seconds here and there, afraid of what she might say or do if she really looked at him, if she let herself accept that this was actually happening. “I...I saw you with Finn. And then I saw you with Ben Solo.” 

For all his Auror training, Poe couldn’t hide the sneer in his voice when saying Ben’s name, and Rey’s temper flared up to previously unreachable heights.

“You don’t have any say at  _ all  _ in who I talk to.” She jabbed her finger at him, and Poe nodded remorsefully. “At all. Ben has been there for me this last year.” A microexpression of doubt flickered across Poe’s face - one that she didn’t think most people would catch - and it incensed her further. “Don’t you  _ dare -  _ He’s been nothing but kind. He and his  _ girlfriend  _ have become very dear friends, and-”

“Girlfriend?” Poe’s eyebrows flew towards the curls that hung in his forehead. “He actually has a girlfriend?” 

“Oh, come off it.” Rey pushed her door open and stormed inside; Poe stayed in the doorway, and he watched her as she kicked her shoes off. She took up a defensive pose, glaring at him from inside her house, and Poe just watched her. “Yes, his girlfriend is real.”

“Huh.” Poe frowned, looking distracted for a second, as though he were puzzling something.

Rey thought to herself, furiously, that he had no right to be jealous. But, Poe’s doubt seemed to linger, and she grew tired of waiting.

“I’ve had them both over for dinner, actually, she’s very lovely,” Rey yammered on, leaning against the railing of the stairs. She fixed her eyes on the small potted plant in the entryway to the living room, anywhere that wasn’t the man standing in her foyer. “And they’re a cute couple. Even their names are alliterative, Ben and Bazine—”

“Netal?” Poe broke in, incredulity thick in his voice, his eyes wide now, all sense of puzzling gone from his face. “You’ve had  _ Bazine Netal _ in this house?” He swept past her with his wand raised, and Rey yelped in surprise.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She snapped. “I haven’t invited you in.” She slammed her front door shut, casting the normal guards with a flick of her wrist, and Poe glanced at her over his shoulder, smirking slightly. It was an odious look for all she’d missed it.

“Getting stronger I see,” he commented, and Rey raised her hand for a second, considering throwing him through one of those protective charms so he could see how strong she was, but she relaxed after a moment. “But you’ve had – Bazine  _ Netal _ ? Rey, where has she been in here?”

“What are you on about?” she demanded, hot on his heels while he walked past the dining room; Rey jabbed her finger in the door. “She’s eaten here, helped me clean dishes in there—” she pointed to the kitchen, and Poe went in ahead of her, his hand raised to stop her from following him while he – was that an incantation to detect Dark Magic? Ridiculous. 

If it weren’t for the heightened anxiety – bordering on agony - on his handsome face, Rey would consider offering to drive Poe to Mungo’s herself. 

As he ran a check of the dining room, Rey found her temper rising again.

“Besides these two rooms and the loo, she hasn’t been anywhere else,” Rey said coldly. “Oh. Unless you count the time she was in my living room. Holding me while I cried. After the attack.”

“Attack?” Poe turned to stare at her, his wand lowering for the time being. “What –  _ attack _ ?”

“The First Order.” Rey said flatly, staring at the wall across from her. “Here in the village. About four months after you vanished. Obi Wan got caught in the middle of it.”

Poe made a soft noise of surprise, but Rey kept going, feeling cold and merciless.  _ Let go of the past _ , Ben’s voice whispered in her ear. Poe took a step closer to her, but she raised her hand, and he froze obligingly. “He heard them attacking Muggles, so he dove in, to try and help. He took six Stunning spells to the chest.”

“I didn’t know-”

“I went to your flat. Just in case. But the landlord said you’d moved out, a day after you - left.” She very deftly sidestepped the words ‘left  _ me _ .’ 

“Rey—”

“Then, I sent an owl to the Ministry because I figured, you know, Poe and Obi, they got along like a house on fire, and even if you were done with me, you might want to know what happened, after all, he was the best Auror of the last century, or whatever you used to say about him.”

“Rey-“ The agony in his voice was clearer, then.

“But the owl came back with the letter, and a note. That said you wouldn’t be able to stop by the hospital or participate in paltry personal matters outside of the Ministry, so if I could please stop communicating with you, it would be lovely.”

“I didn’t send that.” Poe sounded aghast, horrified, but Rey finally looked at him, and she felt angry enough that there should have been flames coming out of her eyes. He certainly shrunk from whatever was on her face.

“It was in your handwriting,” she said coldly. “So, I stopped bothering. He didn’t die, somehow, but he hasn’t been the same since. The Healers suggested a warmer climate, so Obi-Wan and Satine left the country, and I continued on, as best I could. Alone.”

She rested her hand on the doorframe for a second before shrugging. “Finish whatever you feel obligated to finish. And then get the fuck out of my house.” Rey turned and walked away, arms wrapped around herself, feeling that same cavernous pit that had formed months ago when she’d woken up to an empty bed.

“Look,” Poe had followed her, of course. He wasn’t any different, then. “You can be pissed at me, you can hate me – fuck, I hate me too right now – but Rey, baby, please, please don’t let Bazine Netal back in here ever again.”

“You don’t get to tell me how to live my life,” Rey snapped. “And don’t call me that.”

“Listen to me!” Poe roared, and Rey froze. Three years of dating, and he had never once raised his voice at her. She turned to stare at him, and in the eerie glow of her front hall lamp, she saw the lines that hadn’t been there nine months ago ago, saw the haggard expression he wore now that his handsome mask had slipped, saw how unruly his beard was – 

“What happened to you?” Rey asked, voice shaking. “Poe – what happened?”

“I can’t—” He cut himself off and shook, gripping his hair. “Can’t – tell – you—” He choked, and Rey rushed forward, resting her hands on his temples, pressing her forehead to his. 

“Breathe,” she urged, “C’mon, Dameron, breathe.” He took a stuttering breath, and she spent the next two minutes coaching him through it. Eventually his complexion returned to its regular tan, even if it were more sallow than normal (and how hadn’t she noticed? Had she been so privately relieved to see him alive, combined with her fury for his abandonment, that she’d overlooked how much he was suffering?).

“Thanks,” Poe gasped, his hands wrapping around her wrists. She didn’t demand he let her go. It felt too nice to deny herself his touch, even now. Stroking her fingers over his hands, Rey gasped at the scars she discovered on his palms.

“Did you – Poe, did you make an Unbreakable Vow?” Rey asked, realization staggering through her. Poe nodded once, shortly. “Oh, you  _ stupid  _ man,” she breathed, pressing her lips into his clammy forehead. “Let’s get some tea?” She thought privately that maybe it would give her some time to think, time to process that Poe Dameron was here, alive, in her home; she thought that might need to sort through her rage and relief, but honestly, it would take hours if not days to do just that. 

For now, he was here. He was alive, and he was here. So, she decided to just  _ move,  _ to act, and to save the thinking and processing and screaming for later. 

He slipped off his boots when she gave them a foul look – they were decrepit, the dragonhide stained and covered in what she prayed was mud – and smiled tiredly at her. 

She bustled into the kitchen, and Poe followed her, his robes swirling behind him and kicking up the dust in the corners of her hallway. He shrugged them off when he reached the chair she’d pulled out for him on her way to the stove, and he sank down heavily. Soon, the water was boiling, and Rey turned around, her arms still wrapped around her body, and leaned against the counter. The only noise in the kitchen was the water steaming and the faint shriek of the kettle, growing louder.

“I didn’t write that note,” Poe said quietly, and Rey looked up from where she’d been staring at her feet, surprise colouring her features. “I know it was my handwriting, but – wherever – I was,” he coughed, the Vow clearly affecting him, “I left for there not soon after I said goodbye.”

“That’s a nice way to phrase it,” Rey said, faux-lightness brightening her tone. Her fingernails dug into her ribcage.

“Don’t do that,” Poe begged. Rey gave him a look that said  _ do what?  _ and he rubbed a hand over his exhausted face. “Don’t – you always stand like that when you’re afraid, or when you’re feeling defensive. And I know I fucked up, but please, Rey, don’t stand like that in your own home. I shouldn’t – I can go, you shouldn’t feel like that here.”

Rey shook her head and shook her arms out. “No. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.” The kettle screamed then, and she turned to busy herself with the tea. When she sat the mug down in front of Poe, she hesitated for a second. 

“Still two lumps of sugar?” She asked, feeling oddly shy. Poe nodded, and she dumped the spoon in and slid the mug even closer to him before settling down in the chair across the table. “Haven’t kicked the habit, then?”

“What can I say,” Poe said, leaning over his mug and staring down into it as though it would offer him solutions to all his problems. He dragged his finger around the rim, catching the grains that had gathered there, and popped the digit and the sugar in his mouth, sucking it clean. “Still have a soft spot for sweet things.”

Rey flushed and stared at her hands. 

“Sorry,” Poe muttered. “Sorry – I shouldn’t –”

“It’s fine.” Rey’s voice was more curt than it probably needed to be, but Poe just seemed to accept it. The next few minutes were silent, both of them sipping their tea. Rey resolutely did not look at Poe – and he never took his eyes off of her. The one time she did slip and look at him, the open hunger and misery on his face threatened what little sanity she had left. Rey quickly returned to finishing her tea, and as far as she knew, he did the same.

He spoke first. He always had. 

“If I had known,” he shook his head and stared out her back window, the one that overlooked her garden. “If I had known Obi was hurt, you know I would have been here. You  _ know  _ that, sweetheart. I wouldn’t just—” 

“Please don’t call me that,” she said, her voice wavering and then finally breaking. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, and she felt her shoulders tremble from the effort of not sobbing. “Don’t t-talk about him, and don’t call me that. Please.” Poe set his mug down and nodded, his hands coming down to grip the sides of the chair, grief lining his face. 

“Maybe I should go,” he said softly, his voice roughened in a way that was entirely new and made her shiver. 

“Maybe you should.” It was a test, and one she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to pass. 

“Alright then.” He stood, and walked past her to put his mug in the sink. She could feel his presence behind her, but she was too busy staring at the bottom of her cup, trying to read the leaves at the bottom, to allow herself to turn around. His hand came to rest for a moment on the back of her chair, and it was as though he was fighting back something. 

Whatever it was he wanted to say, he didn’t, and he walked back towards the front room after grabbing his robes. Rey stood and followed him, almost like a ghost in her own house, her mug remaining on the table. 

He shrugged his robes back on and straightened out the collar, leaving it standing up slightly like he’d always preferred. It was that minor detail, that small hint that he hadn’t changed completely, that had her speaking again.

“It’s been – it was so hard, getting over you.” Poe looked up, startled, from where he was about to grab his boots. He straightened up and fixed his eyes on her face, and Rey summoned every bit of her legendary Gryffindor courage to not look away. “You have no idea what it was to lose you. I loved you so much, Poe, and you just – it was like it didn’t matter to you at all. None of it. And it was everything to me. I tried to go on a date, recently. And...and all I could do was compare them to you – he’d laugh, and it wasn’t as bright as yours, his nose didn’t look quite right, his eyes were… Nothing was the same. Nothing. And - you made me love you, you did, because you’re  _ you  _ and I never stood a chance. I loved you, and when you left, I had no idea how to love someone else. And I hate you for that.” 

It was the longest speech she’d made since last year, and she felt winded when she finished. 

Poe’s expression was unreadable, but he’d completely abandoned his boots and had taken a step closer to her. Rey refused to balk, and instead stood her ground. “Loved?” He asked, something dangerous in his face. “You  _ loved  _ me?”

“Of course I did,” Rey snapped. “Unlike you, I didn’t spend three years lying about forever.”

“You think I was  _ lying _ ?” Poe seemed to be stuck in repeating some of her phrases while his face grew steadily darker. “Lying about loving you, lying about wanting forever?”

“Considering only one of us walked away, yeah, I’d say you were lying,” Rey pointed out mulishly. Poe was less than a foot away from her now, and she could feel heat radiating off of him. 

“And you loved me,” Poe had circled back, then. “Loved as in past tense.” It wasn’t a question. Rey’s jaw trembled, but she shrugged angrily and didn’t respond. “And now you hate me.” 

“Yes.” She spat the word out.

“I think you’re lying,” Poe said calmly. A storm raged in his eyes, belying his gentle tone. “I think you’re lying now. I don’t think you hate me. And I can’t believe for a fucking second that you’d think I’d ever lie to you.” Rey opened her mouth to argue, but Poe shook his head, and oddly, she fell silent. “I can’t believe,” he took a step forward, and she finally took a step back, “That you could think,” and he pushed forward, until her feet hit the bottom stair. She stumbled backwards – Poe caught her by the arms and tugged her upright, and she squeaked, an undignified noise, as she settled upright once more. He released her the second she was steady. “That I lied to you about how much I loved you. About how much I love you. Because I have spent every one of the last two hundred and forty-four days doing nothing but dreaming of you.” 

Rey looked at him, shocked, but he plowed on. “Every second of every fucking day, I missed you. I just - you seemed to be - not okay, but at peace with it -” He licked his bottom lip, his hands rising as though to seize her, but then they dropped  “-When you responded to the letter.”

“What letter?” Rey froze and turned wide eyes on him, nausea rising in her throat.

“The …” Poe blinked, going pale. “Rey - I sent you - I sent you a letter. You responded. I know you did.”

“No, you didn’t.” Rey blinked, twice, something horrible, unpleasant,  _ cold,  _ settling in her stomach. “I - I didn’t…” A headache was building like a siren in her temples.

“I sent you a letter,” Poe repeated. “Six months ago - I thought -  _ fuck,  _ Rey, I thought you were upset because the mission took longer than expected - it was six months, not three, and -”

“What mission?” Rey demanded, her voice breaking. “And - what letter?”

“The letter!” Poe dragged his hands through his hair and took a step back. “The one I sent you back in  _ August.  _ I wrote you a letter telling you where I’d gone, because I knew they were making me do a Vow, and I wanted you to know before I went in, and that - I was sorry, I was so fucking sorry that all I left you was the ring-”

“You didn’t leave the ring.” The headache screamed at her now, something terrible burning in her throat as she tried to ignore the pounding behind her eyes. “Poe - don’t  _ lie  _ about that - you didn’t leave the ring-”

“What the fuck.” Poe continued to tear at his hair, until Rey stepped in and pulled his hands away. He nodded once, sullenly, as if to promise to stop, and she released him. His fingers twitched - like he was stopping himself from chasing after her hand - but his hands stayed, hanging limply at his sides. “No. Rey, I left you the ring, the morning they...they said I had to leave. I didn’t want to leave you, but they told me I couldn’t tell you I was leaving. In case...in case someone tried to extract the information from you.”

“ _ What _ ?” Rey pressed her fingers to her temples and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the blinding pain that was almost deafening now. “I don’t understand.”

“I had to go undercover,” Poe whispered. “My first mission - that’s - that’s all I can say about it, but there were a few months beforehand where I was just doing surveillance and reconnaissance, and that’s when I wrote you the letter. To explain. To beg you to forgive me. And you  _ did. _ ”

“How could I?” Rey sobbed. “You left me.” Her voice cracked, and her heart did, and more than anything, her head was cleaved in two. “I don’t - I don’t remember a letter, Poe, and I certainly wouldn’t fucking forget something like that.”

“You responded,” Poe said with a sob of his own. “God.  _ Here. _ ” He spun around to grab his dragonhide bag near the door and opened it hastily. Pointing his wand into the bag, he muttered, “ _ Accio  _ letter.” 

An envelope zoomed into his hand; Poe dropped the bag at his feet and offered the letter to Rey. She didn’t take it, the urge to vomit or scream growing too intense. He offered it again, his hand shaking, but she didn’t move. Poe cleared his throat and shook the letter out. Even from where she stood, Rey could see it was a well-worn piece of paper, the creases deep as though the owner of it had opened it, closed it, opened it, too many times to count.

“ _ I can’t say I’m happy about the way you left, _ ” Poe whispered. “ _ But I understand. I miss you, Head Boy. Every morning I wake up and convince myself that I’ll turn around and see-” _

“Stop it!” Rey hissed, and he thankfully obliged. “I didn’t fucking write that-”

“I checked,” Poe insisted. “We used our Charm to seal it, the one we used back when I was training, and no one else knows about that.”

“I still didn’t write it. Watch.  _ Revalare aucturo, _ ” Rey snapped.

Poe’s eyes never left her face as phantom letters floated off the page, curving through the air; they hung in space around Poe for a moment before drifting towards her in a spiral. The sentence wound around her wrist, sinking into her skin, and vanished from sight.

“No.” Rey’s knees trembled, and her vision turned dark at the corners. “No-”

“Rey!” Poe caught her and steadied her, having sprinted to close the distance between her. “Rey, what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t send it,” she sobbed, the pain in her mind telling her that much. “I don’t remember. I don’t remember.”

“Okay.” Poe was shaking too, and despite her logic and the pain of the last year, Rey wrapped her arms around Poe’s neck, holding him tightly for the first time since he’d walked back into her life. Poe held her closely, his nose in her neck, his hands pressing here and there as though he was trying to re-memorize the way she felt. Her heart throbbed pathetically even as her mind continued to scream. “Okay, we’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out together.”

_ Together. _ Rey pushed him away, the word a little too much to hear right now, and the implied promise inside it.

“It doesn’t – even if you  _ did  _ send me that letter -- It’s too much. It’s too much right now.”

“Okay.” Poe nodded, his throat moving furiously as he fought back the tears in his eyes. One spilled out anyway; his hands twisted together, and Rey hated how badly she wanted to hold him again at the sight.

“You should go,” Rey said shakily, stepping forward, her hands drifting to the front of his robes, but to push or pull him was beyond her guessing ability. Her eyes lingered on his mouth - the pain in her head receded, now that she no longer thought about the letter, and all she could think about was -

“Should I?” Poe asked, his pupils entirely blown in a way she hadn’t seen in so long, in a way that made fiendfyre build in her gut. “Fine. Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me to go. I’ll go. I won’t come back.”

“I don’t love you,” Rey said, shaking her head. Her hands fisted in the purple fabric of his robes, pulling him even closer. Her eyes flickered between his eyes and his mouth. “I – I don’t. So  _ leave. _ ”

“But I don’t want to leave,” Poe murmured, his hands migrating to the small of her back, pulling her flush to his body. “If you mean it, I’ll go. But if you don’t actually want me to go - and I’m going to risk everything here and say that I don’t think you do - I’ll stay. I want to stay. I want to make this right. I want  _ you _ .”

Rey gasped when the evidence of his arousal pressed against her hip, and her body, her traitorous, weak body sang in response. 

“Good,” she choked out, closing the final distance between them. Their lips clashed together, violent for less than a second before it gentled, Poe’s hand coming to cradle her jaw, to tilt her head to the side while his mouth slipped over hers, his nose pressing into her cheek. He tasted the same – like woodsmoke and something distantly sweet, like caramel – and when his tongue pressed urgently against the seam of her lips, she let him in. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck, and the fingers of one hand threaded through his over-long curls, her nails scratching at his scalp. Poe hissed in pleasure and his hips surged forward. Soon, he’d pushed her up against the wall in front of the staircase, Poe’s still-familiar weight pressing into her. He rutted against her, and Rey’s hips moved of their own accord, stuttering and then matching him thrust for thrust. 

Then, he pulled away, and his hand framed the side of her face while his other propped him up and away from her. Rey whined and tried to pull him back to her, but he shook his head. “Tell me,” he commanded hoarsely. “Tell me you don’t love me. I need to hear it.”

“Poe,” Rey sobbed, her hand resting on his cheek, his beard scratching her palm. 

“Tell me,”  he begged. 

“I – I can’t,” she said, shaking her head, “It’s too much.” 

She remembered, then, their last night together. She’d thought of it often the last year; he’d been so much more passionate than normal, and she’d had lovebites and finger-shaped bruises on her hips for weeks after he’d disappeared. Rey had hated them as much as she had loved them, the lingering evidence that at one point, Poe Dameron had loved her. He’d been so ardent, nearly demanding in his lovemaking, crying more than she had from overstimulation – 

He  _ had _ said goodbye, she realized, and that’s what caused her to start crying in this moment, the love of her life hovering over her, his hands soft on her body even while she could feel how badly he wanted her.

“I can’t say goodbye to you again,” she said, shaking her head and pushing at him. Poe had already frozen with a look of horror on his face. “It almost killed me last time – I can’t -  I can’t lose you again.”

“You won’t,” Poe shook his head quickly but straightened up all the same. He wrapped his arms around her waist while she rested her head on his shoulder, burying her face in his neck, soaking his shirt entirely. “I’ll never leave you again, I promise, no more goodbyes.”

He was crying too, crying while he kissed her hair, her ear, her jaw, anything he could reach, his beard scratching everything in a delicious and unbearable way. 

“You can’t promise that,” Rey said, wiping her eyes. “No one can.”

“I will do everything I can to never leave you again,” Poe whispered. “I will always come back to you – look, sweetheart, I – I already did, I’m here, I’m here now, and I’m still so fucking in love with you, I’m a goddamn wreck without you—”

“You’re always a wreck,” Rey pointed out, hiccupping slightly. She pulled back and looked at him, and his thumb wiped away her tears. 

“Yeah, yeah I am,” he laughed. “God, I missed you—” He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, and she could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest. She sank into it for a moment, her headache far away enough now to be an unpleasant memory, but still just present enough for her to know that there were questions to be answered that she didn’t want answered at the present.

She wanted something else. Someone else.

“Poe.” Rey spoke into the air over his shoulder. “The bedroom hasn’t moved.”

“What?” He didn’t release her or move. 

“I said. The bedroom – I haven’t moved it. It’s in the same place.” 

“Oh.” Then, a moment later, “ _ Oh. _ ” He gripped her under the ass, his hands sliding to grasp her upper thighs, and he hauled her into his arms. “Oh fuck. We don’t have to—”

“Want to,” Rey muttered, using the advantage of height to kiss him deeply. “Take me to bed, Dameron.”

“Yes ma’am,” he choked out, already sweeping up the stairs. 

He remembered the way easily enough, barely stopping in his mission to kiss her thoroughly to open her door; he kicked it shut behind them the second they were inside.

“Are you sure?” Poe whispered, his hands and mouth stilling as they stood at the foot of her bed, Rey still safe and supported and warm in his arms, her legs wrapped around him. 

“I missed you,” Rey whispered back, studying his face, the ways it had changed, the beard it hid behind, her hands tangled in his hair. She kissed him, trying to relay the tangle of feelings inside of her, and she was pretty sure he heard them, based on the way his hands tightened around her again. “I’m sure.”

With another groan, Poe pressed her to the bed, his lips trailing along her jaw, hands drifting up and down her sides as he began to worship her, a little more intensely than he had in the past.

Rey closed her eyes, her breath hitching, and tried to convince herself that even if this were just a cruel dream, it was worth any future pain to feel Poe Dameron one last time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jumps behind potted plant so no one can yell at me*
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, i'd love to hear what your predictions are - for that letter, for Rey's confusion, for our couple's future. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Just because they were *ahem* together, at the end of this chapter, doesn't mean they're *together*... They have a lot to work through, obviously).
> 
> Next chapter:
> 
> Betrayal's Shadow


	3. The Sun Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Rey the first morning after their reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I ended up cutting the anticipated events of this chapter in half, so the chapter titled "Betrayal' will be Chapter 4. 
> 
> This chapter mostly focuses on Poe/Rey, gives them some breathing room, answers some questions.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Warning**  
>  Implied smut/reference to orgasm. Very brief.

Before the sun rose, Rey was awake and staring at her ceiling in thought. Above her were the still-twinking enchanted stars Obi had helped her paint as a child, one of the first things they had truly done together as a family. Her favorite constellations, captured forever, shone down on her and made her feel as though Obi were still there.

After these last months of stress and terrible, terrible loneliness, Rey was unsure if she could stomach the loss of Poe again. But for now, he slept on at her side, one strong arm thrown over her waist, and another tucked under the pillows, bracing his head as he breathed heavily, face slightly twitching. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, Rey twisted under his arm to study him in the grey light of pre-dawn.

Was she still angry with him? Rey couldn’t quite tell. Anger was there, of course, but she wasn’t sure if it was the man next to her responsible, or anger at herself for letting him back in so quickly. Her cheeks flushed at the memory of the previous night, the way he’d held her and kissed her and loved her, after which they’d both fallen into a heavy sleep, still wrapped around each other. Poe had tried to speak to her while they lay side by side, skin bare, still glowing from their exertions, but she’d whispered  _ Not now,  _ and he’d fallen silent. 

He had told her he loved her; it was the most common phrase on his lips other than her name, and declarations of his intent to stay. Rey had yet to say it back to him. It had cost her too much when he’d left the first time, when he’d heard her say she loved him, over and over again, for years, and still chose to walk away from her.

His eyelids fluttered while she stared at his face; even though he’d slept for almost six hours, his face hadn’t begun to lose that haggard quality. Now that it was slack with sleep, she could see more clearly the way his beard hid the gauntness of his cheeks, the bruises in the hollows under his eyes, the small scar that hadn’t been there before, right next to his nose. 

For all the changes, though, Poe Dameron was still handsome, something still lingered about his appearance (at least in sleep) that promised tenderness, the kind Rey so privately yearned for.

She was no longer a child, she thought angrily. She couldn’t let in the Head Boy and let him traipse about in the privacy of her heart, all because he knew how to be kind and speak in a soft voice to the wildling of Gryffindor. He’d promised to stay. He’d left. It was a simple equation after that. 

But still - 

Poe Dameron was in her bed, and his desperation the previous night had been entirely unfeigned. Whatever he  _ thought  _ had happened with this letter - thinking about it recalled her headache of last night - hadn’t happened. Rey would remember something like that. She would. She would be able to recall any possible reminder that Poe Dameron loved her.

As though hearing her thoughts surge and roil with anxiety, Poe stirred, his eyes opening slowly while he blinked the sleep out of them.

The moment he saw her facing him, he gasped, tears flooding his large, brown eyes.

“What?” Rey whispered, lifting her hand despite her better judgement. She settled it on his arm, and not his cheek.

“You’re here,” Poe said. His touch wasn’t so discerning. He stroked his fingers across her cheekbone, sliding his hand to cup the base of her skull while he leaned in, examining her body as she lay next to him, still naked, but now covered by a blanket. His eyes  _ devoured  _ her. But not from lust. From something else entirely. “You - you’re really here.”

“Technically  _ you’re  _ here,” Rey pointed out, trying to force her voice to a lightness she didn’t feel. “This is my house, Head Boy.”

He didn’t pick up on her humor, and tears rolled from his eyes, fat drops of moisture that Rey longed to wipe away. “Every night,” he said hoarsely, “Every damn night I dreamed of you. I dreamed that I held you in my arms. I dreamed that I could still taste you. I dreamed about your laugh, your smile - and every morning, I’d wake up and remember all over again that you weren’t there.”

“Poe.” The word slipped out. He shook his head.

“You’re still here.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, and Rey stroked her hand along his arm, slipping it around to his back so she could pull him in tighter; their legs tangled together, and his arms wrapped around her. Poe’s breath hitched dangerously, and she waited until she felt his trembling subside to speak again.

“This - this doesn’t change anything.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat, the one that wanted to know if that rule was necessary. “We aren’t back together.”

He stiffened, but didn’t complain. “Okay. I - I understand.” Poe began to pull away, but Rey gripped him tightly, her terror at losing him combating her anger and hurt pride intensely. “Should I … do you want me to get out of bed?”

She shook her head, and immediately he stopped pulling away. “Not yet.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“This.” Rey tucked herself in as small as she could, knowing that, no matter what had passed between them, Poe would never begrudge her taking a small piece of physical comfort. She nestled her head against his chest and satisfied herself with the knowledge that Poe’s heart still beat, so close to her, potent evidence that he still lived, that he  _ had  _ come back. 

She didn’t know what would win this war inside of her. 

Forgive him, reject him. Love him, turn him away.

She knew what she wanted to win; she just prayed it wouldn’t be viewed as weakness.

His lips brushed over the crown of her head, and she stiffened: “Sorry,” he whispered immediately. “God, I’m sorry.”

“Do it again.” Rey’s voice was muffled by his chest, but thankfully he heard her. His lips brushed over the same spot, and Rey sighed wetly, her fingers curling into his back. Poe’s mouth continued to move, slipping down to her forehead, where each kiss was pressed lighter than a fairy wing; eventually, he reached her temple, where dried tears were still tracked into her hairline. He kissed that away as well. 

By this time, Rey was unable to combat the feeling that grew inside her, like taking three shots of Firewhisky before diving on her broomstick. She tilted her head up, and looked Poe in the eye. “For real this time.”

“You want me to kiss you?” Poe’s fingers lightly smoothed the hair out of her eyes, mussed from sleep.

“As long as you don’t stop.” Her voice broke, and she hated it. She hated that it might stop Poe, who’d always been so tender and tentative with her. Any sign of tears when they lived together, and they’d talk instead of touch, whisper and find a different way of falling to pieces in each other’s arms.

He showed no such hesitance now.

With a groan, he captured her lips with his own, his hands gripping her as tightly as they could, fingers pressing into her arm. Rey found that she liked it.

She rolled him onto his back, pushing at his shoulder impatiently, her hair falling around them like a curtain. Poe’s heart skipped a beat under her palm when she nipped at his collarbone and ground her hips down. From there, it was all too easy to replicate the passion they’d both fallen into only hours ago. 

It was a surrender for her, at first, to give up her control; but when Poe’s hips stuttered, and he came with a gasp, moaning into her open mouth, she sighed and fell with him, telling herself it wasn’t a loss after all, not when his hands on her body soothed away every anxiety of the last nine months.

He held her even more tightly afterwards, while she lay, collapsed and sticky with sweat, against his strong chest, her legs on either side of his hips. 

“I love you,” he repeated, so far unfrustrated by her lack of response in that area, his voice just as clear and steady in it as it had been since he first said it to her last night in his fit of passion.

Rey traced an unseen pattern over his chest, her ear still pressed up against his heart. “I know.”

His hand tightened on her hip; that response, it seemed, was enough for him, for now.

***

Some time after dawn, Rey pulled herself from Poe’s arms and slipped into a sweatshirt and a pair of leggings.

“What time’s’t?” Poe mumbled, shaking awake suddenly. His face tightened when he saw Rey across the room, lacing up her boots. “Shit. Don’t - I’ll leave. You don’t have to -”

“I’m not leaving because of you.” Rey snorted and flipped her hair out of the collar of her sweatshirt. “Honestly.”

Poe’s expression softened. “Still a Man United fan, then?”

She looked down, cheeks flushing; she wore a sweatshirt she’d officially stolen from him when they moved in together two years ago. She never had been able to get rid of it.

“It’s warm.” Her face was completely reddened though; Poe didn’t smirk, though. If anything, he looked touched, his eyes misty again. “I’ll be right back.”

“Can I come with you?” Poe was already sitting up, and the blanket fell away quickly. He shivered in the cool morning air, and Rey averted her eyes while he hunted for his pants. “ _ Scourgify. _ ” 

“I have a machine for that,” Rey pointed out serenely, but Poe only smiled and shook the jeans out. He yanked them on, teetering over slightly as he hopped around on a single foot. 

Shirtless, he dug under the bed for his sweater - Rey made no move to help, and she prayed he wouldn’t comment on just how far she’d thrown the damn thing when they’d stumbled into her bedroom last night - before emerging, his curls messier than ever. 

“You don’t have to come.” Rey swiftly braided her hair, turning to face the door rather than continue ogling Poe. “Especially if you have plans to leave again.” She said that part briskly, matter-of-fact, like the idea of him leaving didn’t carve her open worse than any curse could. Rey looped her hair tie around the end of her braid and waited for Poe to say something.

It took a minute.

“Do you really think I’ll be able to leave you again?” 

“Yes.” The answer came so easily it frightened her; but, Rey had learned. She was easy to leave, after all. 

When she faced him, he was staring at the wall, his expression shattered, tears rolling down his cheeks and disappearing into the tangle of his beard.

“Poe, I didn’t mean-” Hadn’t she though? Hadn’t she meant to hurt him, even a little bit, right back? An ounce against the ton of shit he’d dropped at her feet last summer when she’d woken up to an empty bed and not even a note to curb the pain?

“If it takes my entire life” - Poe stood, shakily, and stared at her, his hands limp at his sides - “I will try to earn back your trust. If you let me.”

Instead of answering, she looked away. She nodded, and pretended it cost her nothing to nod.

“Are you coming?” She jerked her head to the door, and Poe walked silently, half a pace behind her, down the stairs and to the back door of her home. She whirled a dial above the knob, feeling the hum of power course through it.

“I’m on leave.”

“What?” Rey looked over her shoulder, surprised that Poe had spoken so quietly. “You’re-”

“Mandatory. After I-” Poe coughed, looking grey, and Rey waited for him to figure out how to say whatever it was he needed to say. “It ended badly. My mission. The last...month of it. The people who I was...watching. Caught me. And, uh.” He seemed to shake from the inside out, and Rey reached out without thinking to hold him.

“They cannot hurt you,” she said firmly, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face into his neck. “Not anymore.”

“These people, Rey,” Poe said, more haunted than she’d ever heard him. “They - they’re powerful. Everywhere. It’s - I can’t-” He made a noise of frustration, and without thinking, Rey pressed her lips into the space where his neck met his shoulder. Poe wrapped his arms around her and exhaled weakly. 

“They can’t hurt you again. I won’t let them.” She couldn’t say the three words he wanted to hear out loud; so she said that instead. Judging by the way he relaxed, only slightly, in her arms, it was still worth it.

“I don’t deserve another chance.” Poe’s voice was muffled by her shoulder; his head had drooped down to rest there while she held them. “I don’t. But fuck, Rey-”

“One step at a time,” she reminded him calmly. She stepped away from the embrace and turned, pretending she didn’t hear him sniff or wipe his eyes. “How long are you on leave?” She finished dialing the enchanted knob, and slid the final lock in place.

“Three months.”

_ Three months.  _ An Auror getting three months of - mostly likely paid - leave.

_ What had they done to him? And who were  _ they?

“...I’d like to spend that time with you. Even if it’s only part of it. I - I’ll sleep on your front step, I’ll do anything you ask, I’ll-”

“I don’t want you to beg,” Rey said, resting her hand on the door, not turning around. “That’s the last thing I want.”

“What do you want?” His voice remained pleading.

A year ago she would have said  _ you _ , but so much had changed in a year, so much had been complicated and soured and trampled. Rey shrugged with one shoulder. “I want to finish my morning errands, and then eat breakfast. That’s pretty much all I’ll allow myself to want this morning. And for every foreseeable morning. It’s easier that way.”

She shoved the door open. “Are you coming?”

Rey walked through without waiting for a response. Poe followed her, a little further away this time, and she longed for his hand in her own. Pride stopped her from reaching out.

He gasped a few seconds later in recognition. “Rey-” She didn’t acknowledge him, merely grabbed buckets and filled them with water, and pulled provisions down from the cupboards in the entry room. 

“Here.” She held out a bucket without a word, and Poe took it. She couldn’t bring herself to look into his face.

The arena was unseasonably warm near the entry room, the dawn glimmering in the horizon. A herd of mooncats, heading to bed for the morning, loped over in excitement, recognizing Rey and the food she carried.

“Alright, you lot.” She set a bucket of water down and fished out the salmon biscuits from her pocket. “You’re pests, all of you.”

They skipped around her while she managed to feed each beast a treat. Then, they spotted Poe hanging back in the entry room, staring out into the arena with an unreadable expression.

“You can come in, you know.” Rey didn’t let her gaze linger for long on him. “You built the damn thing.” She tossed her last biscuit to the smallest mooncat, who skittered away last second. Poe had walked up, slowly, and the kit hadn’t recognized him.

“She was born after you left,” Rey explained, kneeling down with her hand extended, fingers relaxed. The tiny thing inched back towards her, silver eyes suspicious and glowing. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Hi.” Poe kneeled down next to her and extended his own hand. 

“Her name is Luna.” Rey sounded strangely possessive, but she couldn’t examine that at the moment. 

“Luna,” Poe repeated, voice soft, his typical warmth emanating from him. “Hello, Luna. I’m Poe.” 

The kit studied him for a second before her mother came up and bumped her delicately on the rear; Luna walked forward more bravely and nudged Poe’s hand. “There you go,” he praised her gently. “Good girl.”

It was like a dam had broken. The mooncats all surrounded Poe, warbling and squeaking in excitement, paws tapping on his bare feet and jeans. He managed to pet all of them, cooing at them happily, and Luna was emboldened enough to climb up his sweater until she sat on his shoulder.

Rey stood, jealousy coursing through her. She turned away and grabbed the food and water; more animals to visit, more animals to choose Poe over her even though  _ she’d  _ been the one to stick around. It was a cold, nasty thought that sat like bad oatmeal in her stomach.

“Thank you.” Poe caught up to her a few minutes later after she’d fed the graphorn, chucking large pieces of raw meat into its enclosure. Luna was still nestled on Poe’s shoulder, purring happily.

“For what?” She continued walking, shaking the blood off her hand. 

“For taking care of my creatures.”

“They’re not yours,” Rey snapped. “You just took care of them for a time. And when you weren’t there to do that, I did. I wasn’t going to leave them.” She came up to the grindylow pond and threw in their breakfast without looking back. 

“Still.” Poe’s voice broke at the edges, and Rey hated that he wasn’t pushing back on her. They  _ were  _ his creatures. It was part of the reason she’d loved them. “I know it isn’t … it wasn’t your responsibility.”

“Responsibility.” Rey snorted, anger flashing through her. “Let’s not talk about responsibility. Besides. I know what that feels like. Being left. I couldn’t do that to them.”

They walked in silence along the enchanted lake, the surface rippling while the kelpie raced underneath. He wasn’t to be fed until closer to noon, so Rey continued walking.

“Is the Occamy still down here?” Poe asked quietly.

“Yes. But, she’s nesting. I wouldn’t bother them right now.”

“Of course not.”

Rey slipped a small toy into the Demiguise’s hands when she passed it; it hooted happily at her before squawking in sheer joy at the sight of Poe. Even through her current state of anxiety, Rey smiled to see the peaceful creature fading in and out of sight as its emotions surged. It threw its long arms around his middle, and Poe laughed, stroking its hair delicately.

“Missed you too.”

Luna leapt down at this point and curled up in the Demiguise’s offered hand. They wandered away, chittering to one another, and Rey kept walking. 

“There’s someone else you should say hello to,” she said, excitement building in her stomach through all the worry. They meandered down the little dirt path towards the familiar nest.

A high-pitched squeaking burbled out.

Beebee flew from his nest, iridescent fur ruffled and on end. “Beebee, buddy!” Poe fell to his knees and scooped the Niffler up; he sniffed at Poe’s face, tiny paws patting here and there along his beard as though consternated by its existence.

“I hate the beard too, Beebee,” Rey assured the Niffler.

“I’ll shave it,” Poe said automatically, eyes wide, Niffler still cupped in his hands. “If you-”

“I don’t hate it.” Rey rolled her eyes and jammed her hands in the pocket of the sweatshirt. “...That much.”

Beebee wiggled out of Poe’s hands and raced towards her, tugging on the cuff of her pants before skittering to his nest once more. 

“He wants us to follow him,” Poe said, already stumbling to his feet.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Rey muttered to herself, too quiet for Poe to hear. When she reached the nest, Beebee’s entire body wiggled with excitement, and he ducked out of sight. Jewels and gold necklaces and even a trophy flew out of the nest.

“Have you been letting him loot people?” Poe asked in amazement, barely catching the Victorian brooch that was chucked in his direction. 

“No comments on how I’ve been raising our child,” Rey retorted, unable to stop the joke from slipping out. Thankfully, it made Poe smile, when she peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. “He’s been doing this a lot lately, trying to give me things from his nest.”

“Oh? What kind of things?”

“No idea.” Rey shrugged. “I usually walk away before he can show me that he stole some baronet’s family crest.”

Poe snorted, and a second later Beebee popped back up, hand clutching something silver to his chest. He raced towards them, snout towards the ground, and bumped into Poe’s boot. Poe scooped the little guy up, and they both stared, wide-eyed, at the Niffler and his prize.

Beebee was holding Shara Bey’s ring. 

Rey inhaled sharply, and Poe lifted his free hand to collect it from Beebee. “You took it?” He asked, mystified. “Beebee, I left it for Rey.”

“Is that where it went?” Rey shook her head in amazement. “He’s been trying to tell me something for a few months now. I wonder if he found it after you ...left.”

“You  _ did  _ have it,” Poe said quietly, the closest he’d come to contradicting her in the last twelve hours. “I left it for you on the table. I swear. I swear on my mother’s grave, Rey, I wanted you to have this.” He held the ring out to her, and Beebee snuffled in harmony with his statement.

Rey shook her head. “I never found it.”

“You were wearing it.” Poe insisted, not dropping the hand between them, the fully-risen sun gleaming off the metal. “When you wrote to me, you said you’d been wearing it, said you’d never take it off -- ”

_ A tan line around the fourth finger of her left hand - _

_ A strip of pale skin she never could quite explain - _

_ Waking up in the night, hand going to a ring that was no longer - _

Rey pressed her fingers to her temples, her head pounding. She whimpered in agony, the pain slamming into her skull like waves against a ship on a stormy day. 

“I don’t remember,” she hissed, eyes clenched shut. Warm fingers wrapped around her wrists, and something brushed against her aching forehead. A kiss. Poe left his lips in her hair, his hands real and soothing against her. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, anxiety pouring off of him. “I don’t want to upset you. Breathe with me?” She nodded, eyes still closed, and steadied her breathing, in for a count, out for a count, until the blinding pain behind her eyes had passed. When she looked up, though, Poe gasped in shock.

“ _ Rey _ \- you’re bleeding.” His hand ducked under her nose and came away red.

“It’s fine.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and shrugged. “Happens sometimes.”

“You’ve never had a nosebleed in your life,” Poe snapped, more aggravated than she’d expect. “At least, one not caused by a Bludger or a bet with Finn.”

“Your Head Boy is showing,” Rey teased, trying to distract him from her current condition. It worked. Poe’s shoulders relaxed slightly, the cheeks above his beard turning a charming shade of red. She sighed and checked her watch, dropping the flirtatious air that she’d tried to project. “I’ll have to call in sick to the shop. Luckily I’m not the only person on schedule today.”

“And you.” She sternly frowned at Poe. “You need to visit your father.”

He blanched but nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why are you so nervous?” Rey cocked her head and studied his ashen expression.

“He’ll know.” Poe shrugged and averted his eyes, shame flickering in them before they darted away. “He’ll take one look at me, and know.”

“Know what?” Rey said, her heart in her throat. 

“That I -” He coughed and shook his head. “He’ll know that not all of me came back.”

“Poe.” Rey reached for him, and took his hands this time, squeezing hard. 

“It’s okay, Sunshine. You knew too.” Poe half-smiled at their entangled hands. “Knew you would notice.”

She had noticed. The knowledge that something, something terrible, something deep and treacherous, something awful, had reached inside her soft, golden Poe and twisted something inside him, until his eyes looked haunted and empty - the knowledge crashed over her, and stole away any thought she might have at continuing to reject him. Her decision, the one she’d agonized over before dawn, was made for her. It was quicker and easier than falling asleep, in the end.

Rey cleared her throat. “I did notice. But,” she gnawed on the inside of her lip. “It doesn’t stop me from loving you.”

“What?”

“At this point,” she continued, eyes filled with unshed tears while she stared, determined, down at their clasped hands. “I don’t know if anything could.”

“Rey-”

When he surged forward to kiss her, under the enchanted sun, Beebee gamboling about around their feet, Rey made no move to stop him. 

There was nothing on this earth that could stop her from loving him; not even losing him, in any, or every, way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. It's been a rough time (it's usually rough around my birthday, but that's past now, so)
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter: After her headaches worsen, Rey goes to St. Mungo's to clear up what's happening inside her head


	4. Betrayal's Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Poe and Kes reunite, Rey discovers the truth of what happened to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took a while because it was super difficult to write
> 
>  **Warnings**  
>  As the title suggests, someone close to Rey betrayed her in the past, and now she has to deal with the fallout.
> 
> Possessive language/behavior
> 
> Check the end notes for spoilery warnings if friend on friend betrayal/non-con memory modification is a potential trigger.
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, if you don't read the spoiler, know that as scary as what happens to Rey is, she comes to no lasting physical harm in this chapter)

After they had wandered back inside the house and closed the door firmly on the arena, Poe went upstairs to shower and get ready for all the things he had to face that day. Before he climbed the stairs, however, Poe pulled Rey in and kissed her delicately, fervently, as though afraid of being away from her for a second longer than he had to be.

His kiss lingered long after he’d vanished from sight, and Rey went about the business of preparing breakfast and calling into the shop to let them know she wouldn’t be in. Sara was more than understanding -- thrilled, honestly, that Rey was taking a day to herself, something she hadn’t done at all in the last year -- and with that, Rey had nothing else to do but make one, final phone call.

It picked up on the third ring, and Rey stroked her thumb along the plastic casing of the phone while she waited; eventually, the other end picked up, and a familiar voice greeted her.

“Hola, estrella.”

“Hey, Kes.” She placed her arm along the banister of the stairs, resting her cheek on her forearm while she waited for Poe to come back down. The shower had ended by this point, and she could hear him walking around, no doubt getting dressed or fussing with his hair (which had always taken at least a quarter of an hour).

“To what do I owe this honor?” He teased, unable to hide how pleased he was. They did try to meet every now and then, but he typically was the one to reach out.

“I was wondering -- if I could come over later this morning.”

Rey cleared her throat awkwardly, mid-sentence, when she heard footfalls on the stairs; Poe was beginning to descend the staircase, one hand gripping the banister. He looked much cleaner and put together, but also much more tired, as though the water had drained him of whatever energy he’d gained that morning. Rey smiled at him while she spoke, straightening up as he continued to walk down towards her.

“Of course! Before the shop opens?”

“I’m not going in to work today,” Rey explained, and Poe drew to a stop at the foot of the stairs. Without thinking, she reached out and threaded her fingers through his, and Poe smiled softly. “I … there’s something we need to talk about.”

Poe nodded at her continued secrecy -- this gave him enough of an out if he couldn’t actually handle it.

“Come over any time.”

She said her goodbyes and hung up. Poe’s smile was sad now, tinged with regret and exhaustion, but she tugged him into the kitchen and loaded him up on tomatoes, sausage, and toast until she even began to let him stress over the approaching reunion with his father.

On the walk over, they were quiet. They chose not to Apparate, something in Poe’s face falling at the idea, and instead, they strolled through the small village. Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching them, and it was only Poe’s hand in hers that helped her ignore it enough to keep walking.

“Do you--” Poe was the one to speak first, to break the silence. “Do you see my dad often?”

He asked carefully, and something in Rey’s gut throbbed.

“Now I do,” she said after a pause. “I didn’t see him for months, not until last Christmas. It was...it was too hard at first.” She squeezed Poe’s hand, already sorry for her next words. “...He looks too much like you.”

Poe looked like she had punched him in the gut, and in truth, she probably had.

“I’ll never stop being sorry--”

“Don’t apologize to me. You’re forbidden to, for the rest of the day,” Rey declared, making herself smile at him even though she felt the opposite. “Save the apologies for your father. He needs them more than me right now.”

“You can both need them,” Poe muttered under his breath.

Then, they were there. The small house with the well-kept lawn, the hydrangea bushes stirring in the light breeze. Rey shivered when they reached the gate, aware of how quickly this must be going for Poe, who still looked haunted and tired in a way she couldn’t understand.

It terrified her, not understanding how Poe was feeling, when for so long they’d been attuned to each other. She searched his face as his hand rested on the gate, but he caught her looking and smiled.

“I’ll be alright,” he promised quietly.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Rey asked.

“Maybe to the door?” He let out a soft breath. “I might...I don’t know if I’ll make it otherwise. I’m not brave like you are, Kenobi.”

“Hush.” She reached over the gate to unlatch it, and pulled him down the path behind her. “You’re the bravest person I know, Poe Dameron.” _It takes courage to come back,_ she wanted to say. _No one else has ever come back._

She hoped her hand tightening around his spoke for her.

When they reached the door, she was the one to press the doorbell and then knock, twice.

“ _Coming_!”

Poe swallowed audibly behind her, and Rey stepped back until she brushed against his chest; he was warm, even in the cold, late winter morning, and when she tilted her head back slightly, his lips brushed against her hair.

“I love you,” she reminded him, and he whispered the words to her as the door opened.

Kes Dameron smiled at Rey delightedly, his hair grayer than it ever was, but then his eyes traveled over her shoulder to the person who was slightly taller than her, but much broader, and therefore, not very well hidden by her at all. His jaw dropped, and his face froze in a contortion of disbelief and sadness

“Hey, Kes,” Rey said weakly. She stepped out of the way, releasing Poe’s hand so his father could get an unencumbered look at him, and the two men stood on the porch, staring at each other, until Rey grew uncomfortably warm under the collar.

Then:

“ _Dad_.” Poe choked the word out, and that was all it took. Kes wrapped his arms around his son and sobbed almost angrily, hands roving Poe’s back in continued disbelief, patting him here and there as though he couldn’t truly accept that he was there.

And over and over again, Rey could hear Poe’s voice twining with his father’s repeated questions in murmured Spanish, Poe’s voice repeating over and over again, “ _I’m sorry._ ”

***

They left the Dameron household near sundown; Rey had spent most of those hours sitting in the living room while the Dameron men spoke in hushed tones, the conversation often broken by crying (whether it was Poe or Kes depended on the moment) in the kitchen. She’d offered to leave, but Poe looked so stricken by the idea, she settled into the couch and opened Kes’s book of Sudoku to work on mindlessly while they caught up.

Kes offered to cook for them, but Poe looked so thoroughly exhausted, that they all agreed to have dinner the following night, when he’d gotten some more rest.

The Damerons hugged tightly in the doorway before Rey and Poe left to cross the village and return to her house, and her chest tightened unbearably at the sight of Kes’s face crumbling when Poe couldn’t see it.

“Tomorrow?” Kes asked hopefully, regaining some of his composure when he pulled away from the hug.

“Tomorrow.” They clasped hands one last time, and Kes leaned in to kiss his son’s forehead, and then he kissed Rey on the cheek and stood on the last step in front of his house, waving until they were out of sight.

Poe walked slowly now, tears in his eyes, and every time he tried to say something, he shook his head. Rey pressed into his side, not pushing him to talk, but just trying to relay a spot of warmth to him, and when Poe looked like he couldn’t bear to take another step, she pulled him into a side alley and Apparated to the back gate of her house.

“Up you get,” she told Poe firmly, prodding him up the steps that led to her back gate. He smiled tiredly and obliged, waiting patiently for her to clear the enchantments that protected the house from unwanted visitors and dark magic.

“What did you want to do tonight?” Rey asked, unlooping the scarf around her neck and kicking her boots off in the mud room.

“I--” Poe’s face turned red, and she smirked, thinking she had a _slight_ idea of what he wanted to do, if he was going to blush like that, but he surprised her. “I just want to be near you. Can I make you dinner?”

She blinked, taken aback by the simplicity of the request, but a warm fondness rose inside her all the same.

“Of course.”

She curled up in a kitchen chair while Poe fussed at the stove, putting together chicken and potatoes from memory. An air of unforgotten domesticity permeated the scene, bringing a lump to Rey’s throat even as the scent of vegetables softening on the heat wrapped around her like an embrace.

A few times, Poe even hummed something, something soft and quiet and melodic while he worked, peeling potatoes by hand, stoking the fire without magic. Rey rested her chin on her knees drawn up to her chest and watched Poe move through the simple tasks, tension leaving his body almost every second he worked.

When he set her dish in front of her, she tilted her head up for a kiss and was not disappointed. Poe’s lips were soft but firm against hers, his fingers gentle on the line of her jaw, and he let his nose brush over her brow as he pulled away, humming contentedly one last time.

They felt no need to speak while they ate, their feet pressed against the other’s, the light of the kitchen low and hanging over their heads, basking them in artificial heat and light. It was the closest to peace that Rey had felt since Poe had shown up, twenty-four hours ago.

 _Had it only been a day_?

She found herself wondering over how strangely the tie had passed while Poe puttered around, cleaning the dishes and scraping the leftovers into a tupperware. Her fondness only grew as he avoided using magic to do the simple tasks, and truthfully, Rey also avoided magic when she could. There was so much more to be said about doing simple things with one’s hands, whether it was cleaning dirty dishes or re-potting an orchid.

Even as the peace tried to settle in her veins, though, Rey knew she was spoiling for disaster. She’d been this way her whole life -- reject peace, seek excitement. It was something she should have probably gone to therapy for, she mused, and not been coddled and indulged in it at Hogwarts by being placed in the most volatile house, the one that _celebrated_ seeking adventure when sometimes contentment was the real treasure.

“Poe?” She finally spoke, breaking the silence. Poe looked over at her at her from his station at the sink, a towel slung over his shoulder, a dish in his hands.

“Yeah, Sunshine?”

“I … can I see the letter?” She rested her elbows on the table and tried to read his expression.

He frowned, but from thought or irritation was anyone’s guess. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about that.”

“I … don’t. But I also need to understand how you could be so convinced that I knew where you were this last year.”

Rey drummed her fingers on the table while she spoke, and Poe shut the water off and left the towel on the counter, walking over to sit across from her and take her hands in his calloused ones.

“I don’t think you’re lying to me,” she whispered. “I don’t. So, I need to understand, how you could think that I’d sent you a letter, how we could both be tricked, how I didn’t know about the _ring_ \--”

Poe’s hand went to the necklace that he’d put on before going to see his father that day, his fingers pulling the ring out and fiddling with it. There had been an incredibly awkward moment that morning where Poe waited expectantly for her to take it, but when she made no move to, something hot and queasy sitting in her stomach, inexplicably painful, he’d sighed and slipped it on himself.

“Okay.” He nodded and squeezed her hands. “It’s in my bag, I’ll go get --”

Rey rolled her eyes and pulled her wand out; she didn’t usually carry it, but she knew she was distracted today with Poe’s reappearance, and it was easier to use magic with a wand, even if she was what Luke Skywalker called a _terrifyingly natural prodigy of wandless magic._

She quirked an eyebrow at Poe, and he nodded with a hesitant smile.

“ _Accio letter_.” She envisioned the letter lifting from his bag upstairs and zooming to her.

A moment later, the letter soared down the stairs and came to a stop in front of her on the table.

“Should I--” she reached out for it, and Poe nodded, eyeing the letter warily. “Alright.”

She shook the letter, well-worn along the creases, out in front of her and began to read to herself.

At first glance, she recognized her own handwriting, but that could be easily replicated by a spell. However, her spell from last night -- where she demanded to know the letter’s true author -- had already revealed that at some point, she’d composed this letter.

Still, though, there were charms -- ones that rearranged pieces of ink to form new sentences, implying that someone had still ‘written it’ which was able to trick a basic investigation spell like the one she'd used. Someone could have rifled through her rubbish until they found enough pieces of parchment to compose this letter using “her” words.

Perhaps the contents would be more revealing.

_“Poe,_

_I must have checked your letter two dozen times before believing that you had written it...”_

That did sound like herself.

_“...To know that you’re in danger while I have been assuming the better alternative -- that you had left to help your mentor in something --”_

Rey had never assumed that, though. The empty bed had spoken volumes the morning Poe had left. Her head began to pound.

“ _...it almost kills me to know that you aren’t somewhere safe, and to know that my only news of you, your only letter really will be your last. I hope that this reaches you before you go on your … trip. I can’t say I’m happy about the way you left, but I understand. I miss you, Head Boy. Every morning I wake up and convince myself that I’ll turn around and see you again, but it’s never true. All I have is your ring on my finger, which I haven’t taken off since the day you left.”_

She looked up and cleared her throat, her eyes going to the ring around Poe’s neck. He met her gaze when she lifted it to his dark eyes, and the sadness she saw there was almost physical. Rey blinked a few times to force the tears away from her eyes so she could read, and returned to the letter, reading through the catastrophic headache that was building once more behind her eyes.

_“I love you. Come back to me. I don’t need you to be an Auror or a hero. Just be my husband._

_Until then, know that I am yours,_

_Rey._ ”

“I don’t understand.” Rey put a hand up to her mouth, and felt her chin trembling from unshed tears, both from her confusion and the agonizing pain in the center of her head. “I _don’t_ \-- I wrote this, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” Poe nodded and reached for her hands, but Rey stood on shaking legs and sobbed bitterly. “You wrote it. I don’t know what happened after, but you wrote this letter, and it was the only thing that kept me going, knowing that you wanted to marry--”

“ _No_ \- I don’t - I don’t remember.” The letter fluttered to the table, slightly crumpled, as she pressed her hands to her temples. Her head screamed in agony. “I don’t--”

“Rey!” Poe’s voice was nearer than she thought it was a second ago, and something grabbed her arms, and Rey felt like she was being pulled in two different directions. “Holy shit - Rey, Rey, stay with me--”

“ _Poe_.” It was all she could mumble as her cheek rested against something cold, perhaps the linoleum of her kitchen floor, and then the world went dark.

***

She woke in an unfamiliar bed, starchy sheets covering her legs.

“Wh-”

“ _Rey_.” Poe sat at her side, the shadows under his eyes even more pronounced than usual under the odd glowing lights that flickered along the walls of the room. “Oh my God, sweetheart, I thought I’d lost you.”

“What happened?” She whispered, her mouth feeling strangely dry. She licked her bottom lip, and Poe grabbed a water glass from the bedside table and brought it to her, helping her sit up so she could sip at it.

“You … you passed out.” Poe shook his head, looking grey. “You were screaming that you didn’t remember anything, and then your nose started bleeding--”

“Like it did this morning?”

“Like it did _yesterday,_ ” Poe corrected gently. “You’ve been out for almost twelve hours.”

“Oh.” Rey let that sink in for a second. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. And it wasn’t...quite like yesterday. It was…” he shuddered, growing even more grey. “I’ve seen - you have _no idea_ what I’ve seen, sweetheart. Horrible things. Things I wouldn’t mind forgetting. But none of it could come close to…. _there was so much blood_.” The last part didn’t seem to be said for her benefit, more horrified on his part, a whisper that slipped out of his mouth while his eyes unfocused, his gaze directed at the stiff blanket that covered her.

“I’m fine,” she promised him through the dull pain behind her eyes. “There was no need to worry--”

“You almost died.” Poe glared at her, and she almost flinched from it, so unused to the fierce expression on his face. It softened in response to her fear, and he smiled at her, his mouth trembling slightly. “I had to bring you to Mungo’s.”

“St. Mungo’s-- but, Poe.” Rey felt tears build up in her eyes, which did nothing to alleviate her headache. “Poe, you haven’t been here since--” _Since Shara Bey died alone, denied the company of her husband because he was a Muggle._

“I know.” He grabbed her hand, and she startled at how warm his skin was in comparison to hers. “Trust me, sweetheart, it wasn’t a tough choice.”

“Am I good to go?” Rey asked, not wanting to sit here in the place where Poe had lost so much a moment longer than she had to. “I feel much better, honestly, and--”

The door opened, and a small, wrinkled man wearing a Healer’s robes swept in.

“Rey Kenobi, you must be.” He grunted and hopped up on a stool at the side of her bed. “Very worried, we are.”

She squinted at him for a moment before gasping in recognition.

“Professor _Yoda_?”

“Answered that name in a long time, I have not.” He hummed and pulled out a gnarled wand from his robes, one was almost as tall as he was and started to tap her on the shin with it. “Retired, I am.”

“You retired to become a Healer?” Rey found the idea oddly delightful - but also, hadn’t Yoda been Headmaster when _Obi-Wan_ went to Hogwarts? He must be at least two hundred--

“Impolite it is, to speculate on someone’s age, young Master Kenobi.” Yoda pressed his lips together and then jabbed her none too lightly in the shoulder.

“Hey!” Poe protested, rising to his feet until Yoda glared at him. He sank back down in his chair and resumed holding Rey’s hand, glowering at the tiny Healer who continued to examine her.

“In your mind, the problem is,” Yoda said serenely, settling back on his stool to squint at her.

“She isn’t making it up! She collapsed in my arms,” Poe snarled. “Your Healers said she almost died from blood loss - her _brain_ was _hemorrhaging_.”

Rey squeezed his hand, trying to soothe him slightly, and Poe was nearly out of breath when he looked back at her; he nodded though, and quieted, his eyes never leaving her face as she looked back to Yoda.

“A Memory Charm,” Yoda said thoughtfully. “Ohhh, yesss. Memories are tricky. Not wanting you to remember, someone powerful decided.”

“What?” Rey was almost frozen by horror. “A Memory Charm?”

“Someone Obliviated you?” Poe’s hand was almost punishingly tight around hers, but she didn’t mind in the slightest as it kept her even remotely grounded as terror ripped through her. “Someone -- could they have hurt her?”

“Hurt her they certainly did,” Yoda sighed and waved a hand around the room as if to indicate _she’s in the hospital, after all._

“W-who would--?” Poe’s other hand came to rest on her shoulder as she stared wildly at Yoda. “I’ve never heard of Memory Charms causing damage like this. It would have been _months ago._ ”

_Why would they choose for her to forget that Poe had left her the ring? That he was on a mission and intended to come home? Why?_

“Caused the damage, fighting against it has. At war with itself, your mind is. Very powerful.” Yoda squinted at her again and grumbled something quietly. “ _Very_ powerful.”

“The Charm?” Rey asked.

“Your mind.” Yoda tapped her on the forehead with his wand, and she looked down at her lap, confused and angry beyond anything she’d ever felt. “Trusted them, you must have. Not so easily tricked, minds are -- forget something important, did you? Hmm?”

“I -- it was mostly something personal,” Rey said hesitantly, eyeing Poe, not wanting to expose anything about his mission as an Auror. “I forgot...I forgot I was … engaged? And that my fiance was on a trip but was coming back? I thought he’d...left me.”

It was the easiest way to summarize everything that had been lost, but she didn’t miss the shaky intake of breath at her side; they hadn’t used either of those words, _fiance,_ or _engaged,_ but hadn’t that essentially been the case? Hadn’t there been a promise, unspoken or otherwise, between them?

Rey closed her eyes but still felt a tear trickle through. A warm brush against her cheek told her Poe had caught it, and she squeezed his hand.

“Hmm.” Yoda seemed to miss the tender moment that passed between Poe and Rey, and when she opened his eyes, he was tapping his oddly green chin. “Try something, I can. Your permission, I need - repair your memory, I can try.”

“How risky is it?” Poe asked, at the same time Rey said, “Go right ahead.”

They frowned at each other, and Yoda laughed delightedly.

“Gryffindor!” He declared, pointing a long finger at Rey; it swept to the side until it rested at Poe. “Hufflepuff.”

“You’re right,” Poe mumbled, turning pink.

“Of course right am I.” Yoda continued to chortle, and Rey and Poe exchanged a soft smile. “Not easy it is to reverse the effects of Obliviation. Or pleasant.”

“Try,” Rey urged him. “Please -- I can’t … I’ll just keep fainting, won’t I? I won’t stop fighting it, and if what the Healers said is true, it could kill me either way. So - try?”

Poe dropped his head to the bed and didn’t argue with her, but she could feel him shaking at her side.

“I love you,” she whispered, pulling her fingers through his curls. “I need to do this.”

“I know.” He lifted his head and grabbed her wrist so he could kiss her fingertips. “I love you too.”

“Ready, you are?” Yoda climbed up on the bed and sat with his legs crossed; Rey sat up and mirrored the posture.

“As I’ll ever be.” She went to pull her hand from Poe’s, but Yoda shook his head.

“An anchor you’ll need.”

“Okay.” Rey cast one last, longing glance at Poe before looking at Yoda. “I’m ready.”

“ _Reditus memoriam_.”

Rey felt the word tilt very quickly; she fell backwards through time and space, her eyes rolling into her head before everything went dark for the second time in twelve hours.

_She rubbed her neck, unsure why she suddenly felt like she’d reversed direction on her broomstick going too fast. Shaking her head to clear it, Rey pushed the door to her house open and walked inside, left hand pressed to her ribs. She entered the living room and started the fire with an irritated flick of her wrist before she sucked in a breath and started to move again._

_Rey hissed through her teeth as she threw her sweater in the corner of the room and lifted her shirt to survey the damage. She passed her hand over the mottled bruise a few times, the silver ring on her fourth finger glinting in the light of the fire._

_“What was that?”_

_Rey startled and looked over her shoulder, shirt still twisted in her right hand; her heart settled when she saw who it was._

_“Merlin! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”_

_Ben Solo swept into the room, too large for all of it, his broad shoulders and black cloak making him appear like a mountain._

_“Are you trying to give me one?” He joked, pointing at her bruised side. “What was that?”_

_“I couldn’t let them hurt that man,” Rey explained through gritted teeth. “Pass me the dittany, would you?” She nodded towards the jar on the coffee table, and Ben grabbed it with a long-suffering sigh before walking over to her._

_“Let me,” he muttered, sitting on the chair in front of her and opening the lid. She nodded and hissed through her teeth again when the cold burn of the medicine sank into her skin, applied by Ben’s surprisingly gentle hands._

_“Thank you,” she murmured, smiling at him._

_The firelight flickering behind them cast a strange glow to Ben’s face, throwing shadows over his expression while making his eyes stand out in sharp relief. They seemed to glow for a moment, and_ something _passed between them that made Rey shiver,and not entirely in a pleasant way. She lowered her shirt and took a step back._

_“You should have gotten help,” Ben scolded, setting the jar aside and standing once more. He towered over her even more now, as though he hadn’t stopped growing despite being 22._

_“They would have hurt him even more by then,” Rey snapped. “I won’t apologize for it, not after--”_

_After a similar attack had caused Obi to have to leave the country, broken at last by a lifetime commitment to helping others._

_Ben understood; he always did understand her._

_“It’s not your job to save everyone,” Ben whispered, his eyes even more intense than they’d been a moment ago. “Especially not when it puts your own life at risk.”_

_“Well, maybe it should be.”_

_“What?”_

_“Maybe I should - I should become an Auror.” Rey shifted awkwardly on her feet, knowing how Ben felt about that subject. They’d agreed on it for so long, but lately Rey had felt her mind changing._

_“No.” Ben shook his head, his hair flapping. “You’ve said it yourself, the Ministry is corrupt--”_

_“So what? I don’t have to believe in everything they do to want to protect people--”_

_“You could_ die, _Rey, it’s - it’s not safe. You don’t know what I--” He tore at his hair, and as usual, the negative emotions between them exploded, built up the feedback loop that had been ingrained in their childhood._

_“I don’t know what?” Rey demanded, but he didn’t answer her. She laughed coldly. “You don’t understand. I don’t care if I die protecting innocent people.”_

_“I care,” Ben snapped._

_“You don’t control me!” Rey shouted, her hands curling into fists. “Did you just - follow me here to yell at me? Was that it? I scared you, so now you get to yell at me? Well, too bad. It’s my life, and if I want to be an Auror, well then--”_

_“Don’t project just because your Auror boyfriend_ left _you!” Ben thundered, and Rey recoiled as though she’d been physically struck. No apologetic look crossed Ben’s face, though. He’d meant it._

_“What did you say to me?” Rey asked, her voice dangerously quiet._

_“I said, you shouldn’t go running off after danger to make yourself feel worthy after your boyfriend walked out on you,” Ben repeated, his voice lowering to match hers. “I get that you’re torn up about it, and I’ve been patient, but it’s been four months, Rey. He’s not coming back, and becoming an Auror isn’t going to bring him back.”_

_“Fuck you,” Rey hissed, and the bastard had the gall to look sympathetic for her, like he felt bad that she didn’t understand her boyfriend wasn’t -- that -- “Poe didn’t walk out on me.”_

_“Rey.” Ben pinched the top of his nose with a tired sigh. “I wish it wasn’t true, as much as I hated the guy, but he left you. There’s no point carrying a torch for someone who isn’t coming back.”_

_“Carrying a--” Rey spluttered, rage and disbelief swimming through her. “Why do you even_ care _if it’s true or not? You --”_

_“You have no idea?” Ben’s face was terrifying in its intensity, and Rey took another step back. This time, he took a step forward to match it. “You have no idea why I would want you to move on from him?”_

_No. It wasn’t -- Finn’s warnings from earlier in the summer, before he’d left for a three month training mission of his own, rang in her ears. ‘Don’t trust that guy,’ he’d muttered. ‘He’s still after you, after all this time. Don’t trust him.’_

_She’d thought he was being silly. Now, cornered by Ben in front of her fireplace, the flames crackling as dangerously as the ones in his eyes, she didn’t think Finn had been all that wrong._

_“You have a girlfriend,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Bazine--”_

_“I’m not really with Bazine.” Ben laughed coldly. “And don’t worry, she knows. She knows how I feel about you. And she knows how I feel, watching you pine after someone who left you when I’ve been here all along.”_

_“Poe didn’t leave me,” Rey snapped, going for the last defense she could think of. “He’s coming back -- he’s -- he’s on a mission.”_

_“Since when?” Ben stiffened and blinked in surprise._

_“I don’t have to tell you that,” Rey fumbled with the letter in her jumper, the one she always carried with her. “But he wrote me a letter and explained everything to me. He left me his ring, Ben, or did you fail to notice that?” She held her hand out and shook it in front of him. She wore it on her finger today, but most days, she wore it on a necklace like Poe always had, liking the weight of it against her heart. “We’re going to get married as soon as he gets back, and I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to hear, but--”_

_Ben grabbed her wrist viciously and snatched the letter from her hand, and wrenched the ring from her finger._

_“Ben!” She shrieked, grabbing for both items. “Ben, stop it!”_

_She had half a mind to curse him, wand or not, but she managed to smack the ring and the letter out of his hand. The ring bounced along the floor, rolling towards the foyer, and Ben roared inhumanly and dove for the letter instead._

_“Ben!”_

_The ring rolled to a stop in the foyer, and Ben pointed his wand at it, having pulled it from his robes -- when had he pulled his wand? -- but before he could, a small shape streaked out from under the stairs, squeaking furiously._

_Beebee grabbed the ring and shoved it unceremoniously into his pouch before scuttling away, almost too quick to see._

_“You little piece of --!” Ben roared, pointing his wand after the Niffler._

_“Don’t you dare!” Rey screamed, grabbing his arm long enough for the small beast to vanish from sight, ring in tow. “Benjamin Solo, stop it!” She jabbed her finger at his chest, but he didn’t drop his wand. “What the hell is wrong with you?”_

_“Let go of the past,” Ben panted, something unfamiliar flickering in his eyes. The words seemed to come from a long distance away. “You have to let go of the past, Rey, it’s the only way to the future.”_

_“But which future?” She asked warily. Sparks leapt from her fingers, but Ben didn’t notice._

_“The one where we’re together,” he said hoarsely, taking a step towards her, the wand still between them._

_“I don’t want that future,” Rey whispered, feeling hollow and cold. “Give me back my letter.”_

_He paused, the parchment wrinkling in his hand._

_“Ben.”_

_He shook his head. “I love you.”_

_Pity consumed her then, and she prayed he couldn’t see it; both of them had always hated pity._

_“I love you too,” she said, and his expression lifted for a millisecond, “But not in the way you want me to.”_

_“You just need to forget Poe Dameron,” Ben snarled, his face twisting hideously again. “Give us a chance. He’s gone, Rey, he--”_

_“He isn’t gone,” she said, shaking her head, the fight leaking out of her, too sad for the broken man in front of her to see the building threat. “He isn’t, Ben. And he’ll come home, and - and I’d like for you to still be in my life when he does. But you’re scaring me.”_

_“I’m scaring--” he shook his head with a dark laugh. “You want me to stick around? Watch you get married to someone else, someone who doesn’t deserve you?”_

_“Don’t you dare--” She began, anger rising in her again, but once more, pity dampened it. A poor decision. “It isn’t about deserve. I love him. I’ll always love him. And I am going to marry him - why else would I have that ring?”_

_“You just need to forget him,” Ben panted for a second before stilling. “You just need to forget Poe Dameron, and becoming an Auror, and - and it will all be fine.”_

_He spoke as though convincing himself of its truth._

_“Ben,” Rey said, sadness burning in her gut. She sighed and covered her eyes tiredly, as if that would block her need to get away from this conversation, not wanting to upset him any further. “Ben, stop it.”_

_“This is for you,” he told her, raising his wand. Rey didn’t see it, still blocking the sight of him with her hand._

_“Obliviate.”_

_The room, Ben, the ring, all of it, faded to white around her, and Rey fell forward through time and space until --_

She gasped, returning to her body, where she sat in St. Mungo’s, Yoda in front of her, and Poe’s hand solid and warm and real in her own.

“No,”-- her hands few to her mouth. “No!”

“What was it?” Poe stood and leaned over her anxiously, his hand between her shoulder blades while she struggled to breathe. “Rey, what happened?”

“It was Ben,” she said, horrified, looking up at him. Poe’s expression faded from concern to shock to fear to fury in seconds. “Ben - h-he wanted me for himself, and I rejected him, and--” She trailed off, shock and anger making it difficult to finish.

“I’ll kill him.” Poe stood fully, vibrating with anger. “I’m going to murder him--”

“No,” Rey shook her head and reached up for him. “No, don’t - just - just stay.” She tugged at his sleeve and then his hand. “Please just stay.”

He faltered for a minute, the rage not dying in his expression until he fully looked at her. Rey had no idea what her face looked like, but Poe relaxed and nodded, as Yoda climbed down from the bed.

“Alone I will leave you. Monitor you we will for an hour, then home you can return.” He disappeared through the door, and the second he did, Rey burst into tears, horror and betrayal winning out as Poe climbed into bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her, murmuring promises that contained less violence than his earlier one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER WARNING  
> A friend of Rey's wipes her memories after being intensely threatening to her -- it seems like he might hurt her, but he wipes her memory instead, and Rey loses a large portion of time/memory
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> _end note_
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> So...uh...I wonder what will happen next ?!


	5. Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe return home in the aftermath of the startling revelation at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued warnings: Rey grapples with the memory modification her former friend placed on her; discussions of feeling violated; both Rey and Poe acknowledge Ben could have done a number of things to her when she was vulnerable (vague, nongraphic, but needs to be addressed)
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> Sorry for another vanishing act - this was the update I had planned for the May the Fourth countdown that got sidetracked by the social media unpleasantness. Sorry sorry sorry 
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> Anyway this chapter is a weird amount of domestic fluff for how emotionally fraught the situation is, but hey, I don't pick the plot, I just type and things happen

The trip back to her small house in Kent was a quiet one. Poe didn’t seem able to let go of her hand, and the storm of emotions inside of her - anger, grief, misery, betrayal, back to anger, burning at her insides and beating against her ribcage with all the strength of a rising phoenix - forced her chin to quiver more than she’d ever care to admit.

They Apparated into a quiet back alley around noon, startling a few stray cats. They yowled in protest, streaking out from the trash cans and skittering out onto the road. Poe muttered an apology to them, kind as ever, and Rey smiled for the first time since Yoda lifted the veil over her mind.

“I want to go home.” Rey tugged on Poe’s hand when he hesitated. “Will you come with me?”

He sagged slightly, some of the tension going out of his face, and Rey realized he’d been expecting her to turn him away. And, with her behavior since his return, she couldn’t blame him for assuming she would. 

“Of course, Sunshine.” Poe wrapped his hand around hers firmly, and they walked out onto the street. 

They didn’t say another word while they walked through the village, but Rey was grateful for his solid presence at her side all the same. 

It was when they were inside and hovering near the door that Rey felt the full exhaustion of her day so far. 

“What do you need?” Poe asked in a soft voice. “What do you want?”

Rey thought about it, and the answer was so painfully obvious that she didn’t want to look at it; thinking about it made her chin wobble treacherously again, and she hiccuped a laugh that might have been more sob had she looked head on at it. 

“I want Finn,” she said, her voice breaking in the middle of the sentence. “I - I--” Poe held his arms out, and she stepped into them, grateful still that he was there, but missing her best friend so painfully it felt like a hole had been ripped through her gut.

She loved Poe, and Rey was glad he was there, but he was part of the jagged pieces in her head and heart - through no fault of his own, but part of it all the same. Finn was her best friend, her other half, and partner in crime, and he wasn’t there.

“I’ll go get him,” Poe was murmuring, stroking her hair gently. “He’s probably at the office, I can go in and-”

“He’s on assignment,” Rey said miserably. “Won’t be back for a week, he left this morning, he-”

“I can contact him,” Poe said quickly, “Put myself back on rotation, I’m an Auror, I can swing it-”

Rey held him tighter and shook her head. “Stay with me,” she asked, her throat tightening around the plea, her pride burning from it. 

“Always,” Poe assured her. “For as long as you want me.”

There wasn’t much to do then, besides drag themselves up the stairs and head to bed; Kes was expecting at least one of them for dinner, but they had several hours to rest, and Rey didn’t see much purpose in pacing and stewing in her fury and anxiety. It was terribly unlike her, to want to lie down when so much had happened, when there was still so much to discover about the past months, about Ben’s behavior, but her body seemed to be triumphing over her stubborn nature at the moment, and her body needed to rest.

She grabbed Poe’s arm and swung it over her middle after they’d settled in bed, Poe’s back to the wall, and her back to his chest. It was quiet now, her head aching from the after effects of Yoda poking around in it, and the grief pounding at her eyes compounded the misery of it. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Poe whispered, his hand firm but gentle against her abdomen. “Do you want to try and get some rest?”

Rey nodded once, her eyes already slipping shut as Poe leaned in and rested his forehead against the top of her spine. “I’ll stay awake,” he murmured. “Try to sleep. I’ll be here.”

It was with that promise that Rey was able to slip away into a dreamless sleep, a darkness so complete and consuming it might have been frightening, if not for how welcome it was. 

When she opened her eyes again, the light in the room had changed, but she was still curled up against Poe. The clock next to the bed told her that it had been almost an hour and a half since she closed her eyes.

Poe’s chest rose and fell against her back, a soothing reminder of his presence. She squeezed his hand to let him know she was awake. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey yourself,” Rey twisted slightly to smile at him, and saw that none of the drowsiness she felt was on his face. He looked vigilant, and exhausted in a way that went beyond sleep. “Did you want to take a nap too?”

He shook his head, and she placed her head on the pillow once more. She imagined she could hear his heart beating behind her, a steady and reassuring rhythm that was far easier to concentrate on than traitors for friends and lost time. In between his heartbeats though, Rey found herself consumed steadily by a terrifying thought, and soon, it bubbled to the surface.

“What if…” Rey found herself reluctant to ask the question aloud, safe and warm as she was in Poe’s embrace, in the bed they used to share with regularity before he …

_ But he hadn’t meant to leave. He hadn’t. He’d never even truly abandoned you - that memory wasn’t real --  _

She closed her eyes and sighed, not accepting the ragged hiccup in the middle of the inhale for what it was. 

Warm, strong fingers stroked the hair off the back of her neck, and she felt a light kiss at the curve of her shoulder.

“What if?” Poe prompted, his clever fingers continuing to brush along her spine. His breath washed, familiar and soft, through her hair and against her bare neck. 

Rey leaned into his warm body and smiled despite the burning in her throat. 

“What if … that wasn’t the only memory B-  _ he  _ took?” She felt Poe’s body tense before the question was through, but his fingers remained light and gentle against her skin. 

There was quiet pause. And then:

“What do you mean?” 

She summoned some strength to turn to face him in the bed fully, twisting until she was nose to nose with her handsome Seeker; when she did, she found that his eyes were red-rimmed, and his smile was shaky. 

“Poe?” Distracted now, Rey traced a dried track of liquid that ran from an eye to his beard, which was no longer the wild tangle from his return, but trimmed and soft under her fingers. “What’s wrong?”

He caught her hand at the wrist and brought it to his mouth, where he kissed her fingers delicately. “I can’t stand the idea that he hurt you.” Poe didn’t look up from her hand, which he kept in his own as he stroked her forearm. “The idea that someone you trusted, who you care about, I --” He cut himself off sharply.

Unable to continue, Poe only offered her a sad, half-smile. 

Rey spent some time tracing the lines on his handsome face, the ones that hadn’t been there a year ago before he left; the one between his eyebrows, the ones that lined his smile. She ran her fingers along his jaw and cheekbone, trying to rememorize all the parts of him she’d taken for granted in her anger, the parts she didn’t let herself remember when she was trying to hold onto her supposedly righteous anger at him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shame curling hot in her stomach. “I’m sorry I doubted you--”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Poe’s eyes were on her face again, and he looked concerned. “Sunshine, you - you had every right to -”

“You were so kind about it,” Rey choked out, “when you  _ knew  _ you were right - I - I don’t know how you were so patient with me when I was insisting it wasn’t true that you hadn’t w-walked out--”

“It is so easy to be patient with you,” Poe murmured, his fingers returning to her hair, brushing through the loose strands and along her neck. “And to you, it  _ was  _ true. I could see it, sweetheart, I saw that you believed it.”

Rey nodded, and their hands fell, lacing together, between them on the bed. Misery pressed keenly against her, and fury, an emotion she was much more familiar, and much more comfortable, with. 

Misery was winning out though with the grief so present in Poe’s face, and it won completely when he cleared his throat and asked, “Are you really worried that he … that he took other memories?”

“Yes.” She pressed her knees against Poe’s for an additional layer of comfort. “It feels  _ wrong  _ in my head now, all of it, knowing that he was in there, that he could have taken something important--”

“We can go back to the hospital,” Poe suggested, and he laughed when she made an angry noise. “When you’re feeling better, of course.”

She wrinkled her nose but didn’t say anything; while it was beyond sweet of Poe to offer to go back to the hospital his mother had died in, she didn’t want a repeat performance of that morning any time soon.

Her lack of response seemed to speak for her.

“Or,” Poe said.

“Or?”

“Or you could report him.” Poe said slowly. Rey squeezed his hand warningly. “It doesn’t have to be right this second, but what he did to you - it’s illegal, Rey. For good reason. It was a violation, and we don’t know what else he--”

He was the one to stop talking again, and Rey looked up at him to see him, red-faced and anxious, studying her face.

“What else he did to me,” she finished for him quietly. Poe squeezed her hand so hard, it almost hurt. She was grateful for the tether regardless. “I think I have the full memory of that night back, though, it doesn’t - it doesn’t hurt my head to think about anymore, and I’m fairly certain he just left me there and came back the next morning to check on me.” She shook her head with a bitter laugh. “I woke up and thought I’d passed out. He let me think that. But, I’m sure that’s all that happened that night.”

“If you report him to the Ministry, they can use … other methods to find out what he took,” Poe said, “and we can confirm if that was all he did--”

“I don’t want to,” Rey whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “I don’t want any of this to go to the Ministry because what if they register me as a compromised witch? They’ve done it before, you know they have, you know what they could do.” 

It hadn’t happened in decades (that had been reported), but wizards and witches who’d suffered mental and emotional traumas had often been labeled unstable and dangerous, locked away in Mungo’s behind so many wards and doors their loved ones never saw them again. Or, they faced an endless barrage of tests to prove their stability and the integrity of their story to an uncaring Ministry official, while the person who’d done them harm often was minimally punished and barely rehabilitated for their crime.

No. Rey didn’t want the Ministry to know what had happened. And, the  _ other methods  _ Poe referred to - they were certainly torture, or Veritaserum, and for all Ben had done, she wasn’t sure if she was willing to subject him to that just yet.

“Yeah.” Poe leaned in to brush his lips delicately over her forehead. “I know.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her in, and she went more than willingly.

He seemed to content to hold her then, and Rey burrowed in, her face pressed to his chest, still broad from years of Quidditch and then the grueling physical requirements it took to be an Auror. She took a deep breath and let his scent, still woodsy and clean, all those years later, wrap around her like a comforting blanket.

Poe wasn’t pushing the issue for the moment, but Rey knew it would be something she would have to think about in the coming weeks if she couldn’t get ahold of Ben or a solution on her own terms. Until then, though, she wanted to learn what parts of her mind she could trust and which she couldn’t. 

An idea occurred to her.

“Poe?”

He hummed softly in response, a vibration through his solid chest. 

“Do you remember the first time we…”

“First time we what, Sunshine?”

“Kissed?” She muttered, her ears burning red. Rey swore she could hear him smile, and he kissed along the shell of her ear.

“Course I do.”

“Can you tell me about it?” 

He pulled away abruptly, leaving cool air where his mouth was. Rey looked up to see shock and fear on his face. “You don’t remember?” He asked, his voice broken in half. “He took--?”

“No.” Rey shook her head quickly, reaching up to cup his face. “No, darling, I - I just want to - I want to make sure nothing’s been changed. And,” she smiled shyly at him, “I’d like to hear you talk about it.”

He smiled back, less fearful now. “I was eighteen,” Poe began, and Rey wiggled in, slightly cheered, “And you were sixteen--”

“Seventeen though, wasn’t I?” They’d discovered her birth records two years after she left Hogwarts; her birthday wasn’t in June, but in early April, a few weeks after Poe’s.

“Yeah.” Poe kissed her nose. “ _ Anyway, _ ” she giggled at the faux-sternness in his voice, “It was the final, my  _ final  _ final, and you were in sixth year, and were honestly trying to kill me every other day, what with you and Trooper’s pranks-”

“-I’d stopped by that point, hadn’t I?” Rey interrupted again, and it earned her another kiss on the nose. “I wasn’t pranking you at all after winter holiday.”

“Mmm.” Poe rumbled in potential assent. “There were other ways you were trying to kill me, Kenobi.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm. Like when you smiled at me before we kicked off during the Quidditch final. ‘Bout fell off my broom.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.” 

Rey felt a different sort of sleepiness wash over her, over them both, like their words cast a warm glow around them, an unbreakable spell. 

“As I was saying, it was the Quidditch final, and you looked so pretty that day.”

“It was raining fit to flood the pitch that day, wasn’t it?” Rey wrinkled her nose at him when he nodded. “So, how could you even see me?”

“Trust me,” Poe’s thumb rubbed small circles on her hipbone. “I could always see you, Sunshine.” 

They looked at each other for a long moment then, Rey with a warm flush spreading over her cheeks, and Poe with a blush of his own. 

“Sap,” she muttered after a time.

“Fraid so.” 

She wanted to kiss him now; she wanted him to finish the story. 

Rey nudged him with her foot, and Poe continued.

“I almost froze to my broom, waiting for the Snitch, but there you were, shooting past me, my own bloody team up ninety bloody points--”

“-It was only eighty-”

“ _ Eighty  _ bloody points,” Poe corrected, his eyes rolling only slightly. “Not that it mattered to Rey Kenobi, oh no, she was going to win the match for her team, and like hell I was going to catch my death from cold just to watch her kick my arse. I wasn’t going down without a fight, even for you, so I turned my broom around and chased you down the pitch - couldn’t even see the Snitch, I could only see you, and halfway there, I realized two things.”

“Two?” Rey had never heard him tell the story like this before - she’d heard him tell his father the story of how they got together (and she’d blushed to the point of incineration the whole time), and it had been a rather by the numbers retelling of the match.

“One, I was going to lose.” She’d had a very fair head start, to be fair, and after her disastrous failure in her fifth year, she wasn’t going to lose again to a group of sodden badgers. “And two, I loved you so much, it wasn’t going to feel like losing because you’d worked so hard and deserved it.”

Rey smiled at him, her eyes a little wet now, and placed her hand on his cheek again. He covered it with his own hand, and they pressed their foreheads together, nothing filling the silence between them for a few moments. But, Poe wasn’t done telling the story, and Rey wasn’t done listening.

“When I landed, the only thing I could think of was you - I’d been holding off telling you how I felt for months because every time I tried, it was an unmitigated disaster: Halloween parties, brushes with death, tall gits with prefect badges and bad hair,  _ more  _ brushes with death -”

“-I can only count the two, and those happened within a week of each other--”

“I saw you, and all I could think about was finally kissing you. My hands were shaking so badly, I couldn’t even hold my broom anymore, and then I was holding  _ you _ , and everything just … worked after that.”

He was blushing while telling the story, almost five full years later, and Rey loved him for it. 

“I was worried you’d say no, but I couldn’t think of a real excuse not to ask, and you said yes, and I was the luckiest bloke alive.” He took her hand to kiss it again and smiled against her knuckles. “Still am.”

“Nothing lucky about it,” Rey said firmly. “I was mad in love with you already,  _ two _ bludgers to the head couldn’t have stopped me from saying yes.”

Poe scowled, a shadow crossing his face at the mention of bludgers. Rey smiled at him teasingly until he settled again, a smile crossing his face.

“In love with me already, hm?” Poe winked at her. “Sure about that?” 

“More sure than I am about anything,” Rey whispered, her throat raw again from unexpected tears. “I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old; I don’t think anyone could erase that.”

“Shit.” Poe leaned in and kissed her forehead, his arms wrapping around her tightly. She felt more kisses in her hair, and pressed her own lips into the thin shirt he wore, right over his heart. 

After a few moments of this though, she wiggled impatiently. “What about…”

“What about?”

“The first time we…” Rey squirmed and made a face at him when he smirked at her. “You know.”

“I do?” Poe hummed thoughtfully. “Do I?” 

Rey poked him in the side, and he didn’t even have the decency to look upset about it; he kept grinning at her when she scowled at him. 

“The first time we, y’know,” Rey mumbled, groaning slightly.

“Made love?” Poe offered at the same time she muttered, “Fucked.”

“Wounded,” Poe said haughtily. “Completely wounded, Kenobi.” He didn’t look too put out by it, and returned to running his fingers through her hair. His expression shifted after a moment to something more somber. “You don’t think he-”

“I don’t know what  _ he  _ saw,” Rey shivered with disgust. “Or what he did, and I want to know before I go out there to kick his arse what I’m dealing with-”

“Hang on.” Poe caught her eye and frowned. “You aren’t going after him by yourself, are you?”

Rey glared at the wall over his shoulder and said nothing.

“Rey.” Poe spoke pleadingly. “Rey, please, that’s - he’s already hurt you once, let me come with you, or - or I can ask Cassian, he’ll go, or Leia will-”

Rey hadn’t even thought about what this would do to Leia, if the headmistress learned what her son was capable of. She shook her head.

“It needs to be me,” she said firmly. “He was only able to do that because I was caught off guard, and - and he did it from some misguided attempt to make me love him,” Poe looked distinctly ill, something she didn’t miss, “And I need to confront him myself. I do.”

Poe’s expression didn’t budge from its half-sick, half-upset setting, and Rey tried to soothe him slightly by running her fingertips along his cheekbone again. “He won’t hurt me,” she promised.

“He already did,” Poe said softly, eyes burning with an anger she wasn’t accustomed to seeing in his face. “I - will you wait for Finn to come back, and take him? If it’s just that you don’t want me there?”

She considered it, and nodded. “I’ll take Finn.” 

“For back-up,” Poe clarified.

“For back-up.” Rey rolled her eyes, wondering if she could tell Finn as little as possible before they went so he wouldn’t try to take Ben on by himself in some attempt at defense of her honour.

“It might be good if I don’t go,” Poe said so quietly, Rey thought she had misheard him. When she looked at him, the burning in his eyes was back, his face twisted up in fury. She blinked twice, trying to see if it went away, as anger wasn’t an emotion Poe was able to hold onto for long.

It didn’t go away.

Instead, he shook slightly, enough she could see his hands trembling, and his jaw clenched. Shame lingered in his expression as well, and Rey couldn’t figure out why.

“What are you thinking?” 

“I want to kill him.” Poe’s voice trembled with his hands, and the shame on his face made more sense. “If I saw him right now, I would try to - I don’t know what to do with that.”

“You aren’t a violent person,” Rey assured him, stroking his arm with the back of her fingers. “You wouldn’t kill anyone.”

Grief swallowed the shame in his expression so quickly, it made her own chest ache. Poe turned his face away from her, turning to lie on his back. His breathing was ragged, and something clicked in her brain: his behavior since he came back, his insistence that something had broken inside of him, his belief that Rey was correct in turning him away and hating him, how he almost seemed to  _ welcome  _ her anger at times -

“Oh, Poe.” Rey’s voice cracked fully now, as it had always been easier to feel grief on behalf of those she loved. “No - I’m sure it wasn’t-”

“I can’t talk about it,” Poe spat out, and she remembered the scars on his hands, his inability to speak freely about his mission. “I would, please believe me, I would, but I can’t-”

“The Vow.” 

Poe nodded, and Rey wrapped her arms around him this time, pressing her lips into his arm under the sleeve of his t-shirt. 

“I love you,” she said so firmly it could have been an order. “Do you hear me? I love you, and nothing has ever or will ever change that.”

His breathing didn’t return to normal right away, but it did even out after a few seconds, and he held her tight to him again. “I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with it,” he whispered.

After a minute had passed, Rey dropped her head to Poe’s chest and returned to her original quest.

“You made me wait until I’d graduated,” she said, Poe laughed quietly, less joyfully than normal, but pleasant to hear all the same under her, rumbling through his chest.

“ _ Made  _ you wait?” Poe rubbed her back in broad circles. “You make it sound as though I was trying to punish you.”

“Weren’t you?” Rey teased, and he laughed again. “My sexy, Auror-in-training boyfriend resisted  _ all  _ my charms for over a  _ year _ .”

“It was difficult,” Poe admitted, his voice lighter as the conversation continued. “But I wanted to make sure we weren’t rushing into anything, and that I wasn’t pressuring you.”

“I was always so surprised the sex god of Hufflepuff didn’t want to jump in the sack right away,” Rey sighed melodramatically, and Poe broke out into real, unfeigned and undampened peals of laughter.

“I’m sorry - the - the  _ what _ ?” He choked through his giggles. 

“People called you that!” Rey insisted.

“They did  _ not _ .”

“They did too! You wouldn’t believe how many girls in seventh year asked me if it were true you had an eight inch--”

“Oh, God.” Poe slapped a hand to his face and giggled again, and Rey grinned triumphantly. “This has to be the least romantic version of our story ever-”

“You tell it then,” Rey said smugly, nestling into him and beginning to stir a pattern over his abdomen. Poe hummed contentedly and nodded; it was quiet for a few moments while he gathered his thoughts.

“You had just graduated,” he said, his voice softer but rougher than before. “I was so proud of you that day - top of your class, so strong and clever, and you’d chosen  _ me  _ -”

She wanted to interrupt and tell him she’d chosen him a long time ago, and it was not a difficult choice to make at all in the long run, but she also wanted to hear him tell the story.

“And you went home with me after we were done with the parties and the dinners, and you were just … the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. You were so beautiful lying there, in my bed, and you  _ smiled  _ at me, like you’d never been happier,” and she remembered  _ never  _ feeling so happy, “And I’d spent almost every day for two years trying to get you to smile at me at Hogwarts that suddenly I convinced myself it wasn’t real, that I was dreaming, that I’d made it all up. And I cried because it was still the best dream I’d ever had.”

Rey also remembered him crying; she hadn’t known the reason for it at the time, but she did the same thing there in the present that she had that night with him hovering over her. She cupped his jaw tenderly and stroked her thumb over his stubble, trying to tell him with her eyes how much she loved him, and how much she valued him. 

She’d never been good with emotions, or vulnerability, but it was something that Poe had always brought out in her with such ease.

“But you didn’t make fun of me for crying all over you,” he continued, smiling self-deprecatingly, “and I was pretty sure it was real after that because you usually made fun of me in my dreams.”

“Really?” Rey couldn’t stop herself from asking, smirking up at him, and Poe nodded, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he smiled at her fondly. 

“And then, of course, I came within … fifteen seconds, so I  _ definitely  _ knew it wasn’t a dream,” he finished with a groan of embarrassment, and Rey laughed lightly. It was a sign of how well Poe understood her, and how Poe always expected the best in people that he didn’t get cross with her for laughing.

“But we tried again fifteen minutes later,” she protested. “And you lasted  _ much  _ longer.”

“My nineteen-year-old-ego thanks you.” Poe kissed the top of her head.

“I was so convinced you weren’t a virgin for the first six months we were dating,” Rey remembered, her sleepiness beginning to win out again. She yawned slightly, and Poe grinned up at the ceiling when she peeked over at him.

“Sex god of Hufflepuff?” He teased, and she rubbed her face against his side grumpily.

“How was I supposed to know? You - you looked like  _ that,  _ and people  _ talked,  _ and-”

“And you believed them.” Poe sighed. “Poor me, my girlfriend believed all the wicked rumors about my chastity.” 

They laughed together, and then Poe said, “I know when you figured out that I was a virgin.”

“Yeah?” Rey was pretty sure she knew what he was talking about.

“I remember,” Poe said, stroking her hair back behind her ear with his fingertips, “Christmas at my flat.”

“Which Christmas was this?” Rey smiled as she asked the question, as she already knew the answer. Her face flushed in anticipation, a thrill rising in her that Ben hadn’t touched this memory either.

“The Christmas you were still at Hogwarts.” Poe kissed her nose and pressed his forehead to hers, and Rey pressed back into him. 

It was a physical relief to know that he’d never truly left her, no matter how much the truth of the situation ached in her chest. 

“What happened?” She traced the stubble on his jaw while he gave her yet another worried once-over. Rey’s throat ached to think that this might be their normal now, Poe constantly worried of the damage she’d suffered, and Rey assuring him that things were still in place.

“You can’t remember?”

“No. Maybe I want to hear you say it.” Rey bit her lip for exaggerated effect, and it certainly was not lost on Poe, who giggled and ducked his head.

“Well, if you  _ must  _  - I came out of the bathroom after we got back from dinner with my dad and your papa, and you were wearing  _ that. _ ”

“Wearing what?” Rey feigned innocence.

“That - that scrap of fabric that someone had sold as a nightgown.” Poe’s face was beet red, and Rey was thrilled that the memory was enough to fluster him years later. 

“I don’t remember you complaining,” Rey noted lazily.

“No, but I do remember me getting so …  _ overwhelmed,  _ I had to sit down for a full minute.” Rey giggled at the memory of Poe sinking into a chair with his hands over his face, squeaking out that he  _ needed a minute, Sunshine, sorry.  _

“I thought you were going to pass out,” Rey said cheekily.

“That makes two of us.” Poe smiled, unbothered by her teasing.

“It was terribly flattering.” Rey stretched luxuriously and propped herself up on her elbows, her misery and grief of the day put away for now. 

Poe’s hair was rumpled, and his cheeks still flushed; another memory hit her then, a softer one than the charged moment in his flat, when Poe had made sure that her  _ scrap of fabric  _ wouldn’t be re-worn without some extreme mending.

Something in her face must have changed with the memory because Poe searched her expression and smiled softly. 

“What is it?” He asked.

“I remember you in your arena,” she said quietly, her throat hurting again from unshed tears, but this time, not unpleasant ones. “You were working with an injured Kneazle that had fallen into a Muggle trap.”

“I remember him - he was a real wildcat.” Poe smiled at the memory, but his eyes were slightly confused. It was a different kind of memory than the ones they’d been sharing, after all. 

“You were so kind with him,” Rey said, lying down on her side again, and Poe turned to face her, the position they’d started in. “So patient - you always are, but that day … you were wearing a green jumper, and there were leaves in your hair.”

She lifted a hand to his curls without thinking and ran her fingers through the thick, dark strands. 

His smile wasn’t any less soft when she looked into his face again. “What makes that memory so important, Sunshine?”

“You were wearing that green jumper,” she said again, an odd detail to focus on, but it was her favourite one, to be fair. “And that Kneazle was looking up at you like you would never hurt it - and I know Kneazles don’t trust anyone usually, but it trusted you because it knew how kind you were, and you were being so, so gentle with it. And I remember thinking that you were always gentle with me, always, even when I probably didn’t deserve it.” Her voice wavered again.

“Sunshine?”

“It’s important,” Rey said through unshed tears, her voice firm nonetheless. “It’s important because that was the moment I knew I wanted to marry you. I’d had the thought before of course, but that was the moment I  _ knew _ .” 

Poe looked like there were a million and a half things he wanted to say but couldn’t, and Rey understood the feeling all too well. When he leaned in to kiss her properly, she leaned into it eagerly, not thrilled by the brush of his lips over his so much as comforted, Poe’s embrace the safest and most natural place for her to be.

And while the storm gathered on the horizon, the threat of whatever Ben had left behind in her mind still lingering in the corner of her awareness, the confrontation she knew was swiftly approaching, Rey was able to focus on one thing, and one thing only: a handsome Seeker with a heart big enough for all the lost creatures, who’d never truly left her and who she knew never would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I actually went through and re-read the whole series and rewrote this chapter to try to make the future Poe/Rey align more with past Poe/Rey, so I hope it worked)
> 
> Sorry for the conversation heavy chapter! And in case you were wondering, all the memories Poe and Rey references are scenes I actually have fully written, and more little snippets of their life together will pop up as Rey continues to heal from her memory modification (yes, I am a sucker for "real/not real" from THG)
> 
> This week/last week have been truly exhausting as I've been in and out of the hospital, so I hope this was coherent and sorry for the slowness of my updates! I hope people still love Hogwarts Damerey as much as I do!

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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